Last night I (25F) had a sexual encounter with, well, my bf (27M) and one of my closest friends, a mutual friend of ours (27M, I’ll call him K for clarity). Basically, it was a BDSM session, like me and my bf had done multiple times in the past, but this time the friend joined my bf as the second dom. Technically, there was no penetration between me and K, only different kinds of foreplay, so I am not a 100% sure it is to be called a threesome. We had negotiated that beforehand, so I was aware of – and on board with – K being there; the entire ordeal went very well, it was very hot, very sweet, and afterwards we doordashed an ungodly amount of sushi and stuffed ourselves with it laying in bed.
Today, however, I feel horrible. Here is the issue: I had never been with a man other than my bf before that, I had never even kissed another man. It’s not for religious reasons or whatever, I simply happened to be a late bloomer and was completely asexual, even sex-repulsed until like 19 years old and then I was picky about who I associate with until I got together with my bf 4 years ago. So, of course, our relationship is special on many levels, I love him dearly, but in my head one of the reasons it was special was due to the fact he is the one and only who has ever seen me like that, the one and only I’ve ever belonged to. (It is actually why there was no penetrative sex between me and K last night, I had put that as a limit for this very reason). And now it feels like I’ve spoiled that.
Now, logically, I understand this is stupid, that in the 21st century everybody and their mom has had sex with multiple partners, that my bf himself had multiple partners before we got together and that this doesn’t define how special our relationship is, especially given my bf was there, was the one to set up and organize the whole event. But emotionally, I feel horrible, I feel guilty and idk how to stop feeling that way.