My husband 22m and I 20f just got married and we have not had sex yet. We made the decision to wait until marriage which was obviously not very easy so I was really looking forward to it as we dated for 3 years prior to getting married. We are both virgins but we have done some sexual things with each other while dating.
We had to drive to our honeymoon location so I wasn’t really expecting anything the night of our wedding as we were exhausted from the day and had to drive the next day. Once we got there, we pretty much just wanted to relax and didn’t have sex that night either. The entire trip consisted of me asking to try, us trying, and failing. The main issue was he was not able to get it inside of me. We are both inexperienced so it was difficult to navigate and position ourselves. I’m very tight and he was a little lost. He couldn’t find the hole without me guiding him. Every time we tried it ended with him not being able to get it inside him and getting frustrated with himself. He is very large and after attempting he would give up and then get soft. I think my sex drive is a little higher than his and that has caused a couple fights in the past since I feel like I want it more than he does. I wasn’t expecting sex to be so difficult and that made me very frustrated and upset since it didn’t officially happen during our honeymoon.
It’s been almost 4 weeks and we now live together with STILL NO LUCK. I am trying so hard not to be bitter. We have tried everything I can think of,
including lube, and we still can’t get it to happen. I have brought up us trying to have sex almost everyday and he always says “let’s try tonight” and he never ends up making it a priority and falls asleep. He works every single day out of the week for over 40 hours so he is always tired (he makes his own schedule). Due to that factor, I feel bad bringing sex up but I feel like we need to be making it more of a priority. At this point, it seems like he has given up and I think he would go weeks without trying if I didn’t bring it up or ask him to try again.
I’m seriously overthinking now and playing out our whole relationship in my head. The main concern for me is wondering if there is a bigger problem at hand. I’ve started to think the worst… Is he not attracted to me? Why is he not making sex a priority as a newly married man? I’m a chronic overthinker so I feel like it’s all in my head but it’s still concerning to me. We have pretty good foreplay that lasts long. He is very erect until he attempts to penetrate. After trying he gets soft and I’m thinking that he just gets tired and frustrated but I really don’t know anymore. I’m really trying so hard to be understanding but I hate the lack of effort on his part. I’ve tried bringing my concerns to his attention but I’m so over being the one to bring it up or initiate everything.
I know it’s not his fault he is inexperienced but it’s so frustrating to have to be the one to initiate EVERY TIME. I thought he would be the one initiating it. Having sex with your partner is a crucial element of marriage. I could really use any advice, thoughts, and opinions. What can I do to help us have sex?