What is the most meaningful experience in your life?

10 comments

1. Either getting sober/clean or having my son.

2. Doing someone good to where people smile and are truly helpful if they are in need of something truly important that can help them move forward with positivity.

3. Going to my final check-up with my doctor after being treated for a condition for _years_ and her telling me that we don’t have to see each other again because I’m all good now.

4. Pretty much any time I had a good time hanging out with the people I love.

5. It’s an odd one.

   I grew up in a high control religious group. It was the kind that excommunicates and doesn’t allow women to speak. Gotta have your head covered, you sit behind the men, obey the men, college is discouraged, the principles are superior to other churches…. etc, etc.

   I was committed to this group because I loved my family, plain and simple. I hated many aspects of it, if not all of it. I wanted to please my parents, and it was an impossible task because I could never meet their high standards. I loved my parents, and I still love them… but I was growing more depressed because I was getting older and my twenties were disappearing and this tiny church of 1000 members (worldwide) had no partners that I wanted to be with, I couldn’t even think to ‘learn to love’ any of them, as one woman suggested I do. I was a fraud in this group… but I knew leaving it meant my family would shun me.

   When I finally moved out of my parents home and began to ghost the church… I asked my GP for a psychiatrist referral because I was afraid of my own brain. I sat with her for over 2 hours… even though the session was only for one. I just talked and talked. By the end of it I felt fearful of her response, of her telling me how selfish I was.

   Instead she said;

   “I’m amazed you’re still here, it makes me emotional that you have so much patience and love for people who aren’t reciprocating. It may be unprofessional to say that, but truly… we have work to do here and you need to know how brave you are. You do not have enough support in your life, less than most people do, and you need to know right now and right here, that your support system has a foundation. Lets find out what you want in life.”

   For the first time in 26 years I was validated for wanting to be happy for me isntead of for others. For the first time I had someone tell me that even if a God did exist, it makes no sense why we should seek to obey and impress other humans alongside him. For the first time I was told that a spiritual walk didn’t have to include rigid rules and regulation by other men. For the first time I was told that I am allowed to make mistakes and make my own choices and change my mind because humans are malleable and thats what life is about.

   It was the turning point in my life. I still have work to do… but it was the point I finally gave myself permission to make my own mistakes, my own choices, my own life.

6. The contact with my dad after he got a stroke. My family was chaotic running around waiting for the ambulance and we just looked at each other I went and kissed him on the forehead and he just looked at me like he knew it was the end. It was like time stopped. He passed a few days after he was in a vegetable state in the hospital.

7. Having a glass of wine and a cigarette. I don’t enjoy *anything* else.

8. Having kids

9. All the tiny moments of clarity that appear when I need them most. Noticing the birdsong in the morning, summer breeze blowing through the trees, not hearing traffic when I am isolated in the woods. Re-calibration is very meaningful to me.

10. I had just gotten my ass beat after standing up for a friend… A former lover/enemy put everything aside for a brief moment

    I laid my head in his lap while he nonverbally gave the ok and just/ I guess you could say petted me with what I was going through

    It wasn’t platonic/it wasn’t romantic…. It was just being human and I will never forget it

    To me it was beautiful

    I felt so safe.. Like if the world was coming to an end this individual that I have been at odds with would protect me at all costs

    It was divinely human and sincere and I treasured it/will always

    That beautiful humanity I saw was so pure…