I tried to define boundaries in my last relationship around sex by saying this is what I need XYZ, to feel safe, loved and affection. I told them it’s not permanent but I’m being triggered by past trauma and our initial breakup (they said they weren’t attracted to me & at another point called my friend attractive).
This was part of a longer conversation- over the phone . They came off defensive telling me I wasn’t putting in effort and listing how we’re so different… and it didn’t end with love/actionable next steps.
I want to learn from the experience and see how I could’ve helped them understand my boundaries without potentially offending them. By the end of the day I called it quits but I wonder if I really loved them should I have not called quits and just tried to find a way to respect my boundaries but also make them feel good (non sxually )?
1 comment
Sounds like he was not ready for a relationship. That’s one of the reasons why boundaries are so awesome, they help you weed out people not meant for you. Keep doing what you are doing and if someone gets defensive after you have put boundaries in place its time to move on from that person.