I’m in a complex situation and really need some perspective. My (49F) son (23M), who’s been in a relationship for the past two years with a 29-year-old woman (29F). From the start, I’ve struggled to connect with her due to her elitist attitude, pretentiousness, and her lifestyle, which heavily involves partying, alcohol, and drugs.
Their relationship hit a significant bump six months in when she cheated on my son with a married man. Despite the betrayal, after a period of separation, my son forgave her and they resumed their relationship. This forgiveness might be rooted in guilt, considering my son’s own past; before meeting his current girlfriend, months before he met her he was involved with a 34-year-old married woman, a relationship that ended due to her marital status.
Recently, the situation has grown more complicated. She had an affair again, this time resulting in her contracting an STD (HPV) from a different individual. They haven’t been intimate since she found out, as a measure to protect my son from the disease. In a private conversation, she confessed this to me, sharing her deep feelings for my son and her desire to marry him but fearing the inevitable end of their relationship if he learns the truth about her recent infidelity and STD.
I find myself in a precarious position. Her decision to confide in me, her attempt to shield my son from the STD at the cost of transparency, and her expressed intentions—all place me in a dilemma. I’m torn between the value of honesty in their relationship and the desire to protect my son from further hurt.
I’m seeking advice on how to navigate this. Should I encourage her to come clean to my son about the STD and her infidelity, thus risking their relationship but preserving honesty? Or should I remain silent, respecting her choice to tell me in confidence and allowing them to manage their relationship independently?
TLDR: My (49F) son’s (23M) girlfriend (29F) has an STD. What should I do?