Been together for 17 years, with two kids (8F and 8M). In addition to my 9-5 job, I have a small crafting business and my husband participates in packaging and selling at markets. The weekend after Easter is our first event of the season, so we need to get everything prepared for that, including making products to sell (they’re body products so I have to prep them fairly close to market season because of shelf life). I was counting on having this weekend to do that prep work. We also really need the income because he’s on an extended leave from work after an on the job injury.
Two weeks ago my husband brought up the idea of visiting his mom (3 hours each way) for Easter. I wasn’t keen on the idea and reminded him about the time crunch but said that if we had everything ready beforehand it might be possible. We have very little done right now because my father (80M) moved in with us shortly after that and getting a room cleared and him situated has taken most of our free time lately.
Yesterday he drove up solo to see his mother because his uncle was visiting. I assumed that would be enough for the holiday visit, but when he came back he told me about the restaurant they’d chosen for Easter dinner. I got pretty upset because we’d discussed this ahead of time and he knew we weren’t in a position to travel again. He told me that I hadn’t refused but I reminded him I hadn’t accepted, we’d just tabled the discussion. Now he’s acting like I’m cancelling his plans when I never even agreed to them.
His mother lives 200 miles away and we visit her several times a year, my mother is 80 miles away and we see her once a year (I don’t want to see my mom more, she’s a narcissist so we’re low contact). We’re going to be near his mom in three weeks for a concert, so I suggested we visit her then instead and make a weekend of it. He says it doesn’t count because it’s different than visiting on a holiday. I don’t see the difference because his mom isn’t doing anything holiday related, it’s just a chain restaurant dinner. At least if we stay local the kids can do Easter egg hunts rather than spending 6 hours in a car.
If you’re reading this far, thanks. Would love to hear about other people’s takes on the situation!
TL;DR – Husband made plans for us to drive all day for Easter dinner with his mom without me agreeing beforehand and I need the time to get work done for my second job, who should compromise?