And to start things off for whoever decides to read this, i’m usually someone who overthinks a lot of things, it’s been better throughout the years, but now when i’ve fallen in love with this girl my brain is going crazy, and i’m going to explain why.
The story until now is. We met through one of the many dating apps, and started messaging, then when i didnt get a notification from her one day when i sent her a message i decided to wait a little longer, one day became one week and then two weeks etc. I thought it was a shame that things didnt go further since she caught my interest early and we had things in common. But i was also aware that i was not the only guy on the dating app, so i tried to move on from that. Fast forward to two months later i felt lonely and i was curious about that app. The second i started it i got a notification from that girl. And i thought to myself that “What are the odds?” only to realize that the message i got was when we were talking two months ago, for some reason i never got the notification… F*ck how am i supposed to save this? Either way i decided to give it a shot and just told her the truth which was something along the lines of “Hey i’m so sorry, i’m so bad at using these apps. I noticed i missed your last message only to find out you sent it the very same day we talked the last time.. i feel really bad, hope you’re still here!”. Then shortly after she responded with “Yeah nothing has really happened here”.
From that moment we started talking a lot and decided to move from the app to other more reliable methods of communication. I found out she lives 4 hours away from me, but i was having so much fun either way so i didnt focus on that. Until things really started heating up, we were having phone calls for up to 6 hours, playing video games together, and finding out so much about eachother. We then decided to meet and i traveled to her place, and when i met her everything just fell into place. It was as corny and cheesy as it may sound, love at first sight. I embraced her and didnt want to let go, but we had to get into the car to get to her place so, once there.. well.. things got spicy real fast. We were teasing eachother a lot so there were a lot of pent up feelings and attraction. 6 condoms were used up during that first day, and i felt so alive.
Fast forward a bit to after i traveled back to my place. I was longing for her, and i was more or less addicted to her and how she make me feel. And i know that i contrary to most guys am very expressive when it comes to love. I usually say to people that i don’t have one single love language that ties me down, i express love in compliments, gifts, gestures and everything in between. And at first it seems like she’s enjoyikg getting all these compliments and things are going steady from my point of view.
Then we got to a point where i was questioning if she only saw me as a potential “sex partner” since most of our conversations after that were leaning towards more sexual undertones, she sent me TikToks about me being the only face in the world she wants in between her legs and such. And even though i felt like that was a huge compliment i was also really worried that i would just be used and when i had nothing left to give sexually she would move on to someone else. Funny enough she was having some thoughts about this as well and we had a very mature and giving phone call about how we felt about this. And things were still going good after that.
But now, we are closing in on the date that she will come visit me over the weekend, and whenever i’ve brought up feelings or how much i’ve been looking forward to us hanging out, how i’ve been missing her and can’t wait to hold her in my arms again. She’s been responding with more… Humour. Which isnt necessarily bad, it’s one of the most attractive things for me when me and my partner can have fun whenever and wherever we are together. But for some reason i feel like it’s a way for her to distance herself either because she’s nervous about visiting or she just want things to go a different direction. Trying to change things into something more friendly.. and then when i least expect it she might be dropping the “I just want to be friends”. Cause the difference from our sexual tension and to how things are now is.. drastic to say the least and i can’t help to notice it..
Am i overthinking this, or am i missing something? Or is she just feeling more safe around me that she can show her goofy side. Any insights that you may have would ease my mind at least a little. Thank you for giving this a read ❤️