If you read my post history I have touched on this before that is more in depth but I’ll attempt a brief overview. My bf and I have been together for almost four years. He has a girl best friend that he’s known since college. They’ve never had anything physical or romantic between them. I trust that he would never cheat on me.
Her and I have generally gotten along. Last summer we had an incident when we took a road trip to a music festival, it was an 8 hour drive. Basically the whole drive they isolated/iced me out of the conversation by talking about all their old memories. They do this every time they get together, or at least whenever I am around. When she was in the gas station I told him I wasn’t having fun listening to them talk about themselves and not including me in the conversation at all.
He brushed me off and the next day I boiled over at the end of the day when it was just the three of us walking back to our campsite from the festival. They had just done the same thing all day, just talking about old memories and while we were walking they were walking side by side and I was by myself. I made a rude/snarky comment and my bf got mad at me. We ended up arguing and he called me rude, insecure and jealous.
I left the campsite to clear my head when I came back and he cuddled me and I cried. The next day I apologized to her for what I said and we talked it out, it went well. I talked with my bf and the conversation also went well. We had a good rest of the weekend.
Overtime I’ve obviously had more time to reflect on it and I really feel I was so railroaded with the “insecure/jealous/rude” comments. I haven’t brought it up bc I don’t want to make waves over something that happened last summer. However I was triggered again recently and I can’t get the whole thing out of my head.
My bf and I have taken a trip to Florida the last two years to hang with his cousins and our friends who live down there. This year money has been tighter and I’ve been wanting him to make a concrete plan for this early so I have ample time save money and get plane tickets earlier when they are cheaper. He makes good money and in the past he has made decisions to leave on trips last minute where I’m scrambling to get my funds together.
Recently he told me his girl best friend may join us on the trip “if we go.” I had no problem with that but I made it clear we need to plan it soon then bc I would be hurt if it got planned last minute and I couldn’t afford it and the two of them went on a vacation he and I have taken together the last two years.
I realized it just ripped things open for me a bit. I thought about everything that happened and I considered why every time they’re together she just wants to talk about old memories. It kind of dawned on me that maybe she is trying to prove a point about her place in his life. I haven’t asked, but I’d like to, if when I’m not around their interaction is still centered around all the who’s and what’s and when’s of their friendship. Or if it only comes out when I’m around.
I’ve been trying really hard to dig deep into what it is about her that bothers me. Because I genuinely don’t think he would cheat on me and I didn’t have negative feelings when I first met her, but overtime I noticed I have felt more negative towards her. I think I just may not like her or trust her as a person.
Over getting to know her it’s come out she has slept with nearly every guy in their friend group. To the point where if a handful of us get together there is always one or two guys there she has slept with. To the point that my bf calls her the homie hopper and thinks it’s gross bc everyone is good friends passing around the same girl over and over. It also causes drama.
Another thing that has happened was her sleeping with our friend who had a gf and baby for months whenever we’d get together. He was weirdly hush hush about having a new baby and a gf. It came out later he was with his gf the whole time. We all knew but he never said it. Eventually I met the gf and shes a really nice girl. When my bfs girl best friend talked to me about it she told me she knew all along but wasn’t going to stop until he admitted it to her. Like it was a game. Making it all about herself while simultaneously being a home wrecker.
She also talks a lot about how girls have always accused her of sleeping with their bfs and how women have always been jealous of her and disliked her bc they thought their bfs like her. She talks a lot about how this man or that man likes her. And while being in a relationship herself she would be texting other men trying to get back stage and saying “if he lets me go back stage it will be very telling” alluding to that it would confirm to her that the guy likes her. But doing this while being in a relationship.
Her and I can get along so well but I still just have bad vibes. I’m struggling to deal with it. If I’m insecure it’s bc she’s displayed such a low moral standard. If I’m insecure it’s bc if my bf wasn’t so turned off by the fact she’s slept with all of his friends I think she would sleep him too. I’ve seen the guys she slept with, my bf is easily the best looking. I wonder how much of their friendship is platonic just bc of him. I wonder by how she acts when it’s the just the three of us if she isn’t actually the one who is jealous.
Sorry this was so long and thank you if you made it this far and thank you for any thoughtful responses.