We have been a couple for 7 years. I only now realize we both view her very differently.
From my perspective, she’s never been interested in fashion at all. Always wears black jeans. She has dozens of black tops. She doesn’t wear makeup. Doesn’t get her nails done. Only does root touch ups. And I love her and don’t care about this at all.
From her perspective apparently, she dresses elegantly and minimalistic. She says she is always wearing “no makeup” makeup (I guess she means mascara – not sure). She says she pays the salon every month to colour her hair or it would be grey.
The reason this all came up is that we met up with friends and one of the women is very fashionable. Always done up. I had mentioned in passing to my partner that I loved that she wore vibrant colors. My partner had said she personally isn’t a fan of bright colors and in the past when she has tried to wear them she doesn’t like how it looks. I told her if I was a beautiful woman I’d wear bright colors for attention. And that’s probably why our friend does it. Anyway, this was the gist of the conversation. If my partner was getting upset I wasn’t picking up on that.
I honestly don’t even recall what I was saying that made her mad, but she ended up annoyed with something. I was truly confused, but we ended up in an argument. I told her that based on how she looks I had no idea she cared about looks or fashion. She was getting really angry at me (which tends to make me mad too) so I told her that if she cares THAT much (to my surprise) she should present herself better.
She insisted I tell her what I meant and so I told her that she dresses boring and it makes her look old and dumpy. I also told her I don’t care at all, but since she appears to, she should try to dress more fashionable.
This was 3 weeks ago and she was very angry with me. Now she’s not “angry” but she’s remained cold. And she now has taken to dressing in sweat pants/sweat shirts. She says she won’t be dressing “nice” around me anymore (but I never thought she dressed nice in the first place).
Obviously I put my foot in my mouth and I have apologized. But she doesn’t care….she says she won’t forget what I said. I really just want her to drop this. Is this something that needs therapy? Or just time?
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TL;DR: I insulted my partner and she says she won’t get over it.