TL;DR: I haven’t seen my gf for a month and she’s livid that I went to go buy beer with my friend and spend the night by myself (a plan she’s been aware of for weeks now) and thinks I lied about being too tired to see her. She’s broken up with me over this.
I (22M) and my gf (22F) have been dating for 1 day short of 7 months now. I am in the military and often spend periods of time away from home, I just got back from a month long training rotation where I didn’t see her that entire time. We texted and called of course, but I didn’t see her. We had been arguing before I left, as we were in a fight and she got extremely upset that I thought the fight was stupid and ignored her texts and “ignored her feelings”. She is saying I now recently did the same thing. So one of my buddies who I went on this exercise with, he and I had been planning for weeks now to go buy beer as soon as we got back. This plan was no secret, I told my gf this and even said I would get her a bottle of wine. It had also been planned for weeks that the night I got back I was probably going to be too tired to see her and give her the attention she deserves after being away from a month.
So I get back, and I’m alone for—no exaggeration—20 minutes, haven’t showered haven’t cleaned up haven’t put any of my stuff away, and she immediately goes “COME GET ME”. I say “fuck it”, even though we had agreed time and time again that we weren’t hanging out this night, I start to shower and quickly cleaning, but then she realizes that I’m rushing and exhausted so she decided to go back on that and just say to get her tomorrow. So this point is where the problem starts. To me this now means I’m just going to go with the original plan that was no secret to her, and go on a 35 minute (she timed it) beer run with one of my good friends. Her main problem with all of this is that it took me 2 hours from when she said not to get her anymore to go buy this beer, time I could’ve spent with her and and that I picked him over her. Last night we were arguing over text for hours until she finally broke up with me.
So here is my problem— I don’t think I did anything wrong. All I did was stick to the plan that she had been very well aware of for WEEKS. If anything she’s the one who decided to change it last minute and then got upset when that didn’t work out. She is saying I picked him over her, don’t want to see her, asking if I’m gay and just completely flying off the handle. During our arguing I told her I just wanted to spend some time alone to recharge, which she’s aid she would have accepted if it was towards the beginning and not almost towards the end of the argument where I had now spent hours trying to find a million different ways to say that I didn’t “forget her” and just digging my grave even deeper. I feel like I spent the entire argument just arguing with a brick wall. I understand why she’s hurt, but i didn’t go behind her back, I didn’t lie about where I was going, literally all did was stick to the plans she already knew about. However she of course doesn’t see it that way. She is saying I placed her second, that I ignored her, abandoned her, that I could have made time for her but I didn’t want to see her, and it culminated with her breaking up with me. We haven’t blocked each other or anything, I ended it in the note that we’re both too upset to think about this rationally and that we should just talk in the morning. I’m still yet to talk to her. I want to save this relationship, I love her I really do, but this is just ridiculous.