My partner [22M] and I [18F] have been together for 6 months now. We met through a friend in september and started talking 24/7 on instagram before making things official after a month of talking. It was the first time I’ve ever romantically talked to someone who’s older. Some things, such as our 4 year old age gap and our different beliefs (im an atheist) made me uncomfortable at first but I ended up forgetting about those. Also, very important note, I’ve never had healthy relationship before him and he made me realize that. He’s a very smart and affectionate guy who actually tries to talk things through. But knowing all his qualities, some things still didn’t sit right with me, such as : our humor, he’s fairly funny but out humors rarely match to the point where I’m rolling on the ground as it is the case with my best friend, this led us to awkward moments sometimes when the joke didn’t cause the expected reaction and it’s a little cringe; there’s also our energy levels, usually when I’m comfortable with people, I end up acting very silly and almost childlike(without being weird or anything) but it seems like this side of me doesn’t come out when we hang out which makes me appear excessively chill and serious all the time even though i don’t wanna be perceived that way. Now he, on the other hand, is ALWAYS super excited (to the point where I find it draining sometimes ngl).
I’ve always been a huge overthinker and as expected, I started wondering if we were really made for each other. Looking back on it, there are some things that don’t sit right with me but I accepted nonetheless. When we got together for example, he never asked me to be his partner or anything but simply decided that the first day we kissed is the day we got officially together. This might be childish of me but I’m used to people properly asking me to be their partner before calling me their « gf ».
The way I structured this whole story is a bit terrible but another thing that bothers me is how much he wants me to meet his parents even though I’ve told him that I was a bit uncomfortable and that it was too early for me. I know it’s been 6 months but I gotta make sure we’re a fit for each other before going as far as meeting his family.
The reason I’m writing this right now is because I’m in a phase where I question everything and even got to the point where I’m wondering if I should consider breaking up because right now I’m mysteriously pissed at him. Everything he does annoys me and I literally caught myself sighing when he facetimed me. My friend told me that it happens and that this is usually the phase people go through before a relationship becomes long term and serious. However, it feels very weird to me to be annoyed at your partner to the point where you wonder if you really like him.
I’d like to end this with some background information. (I don’t know how relevant these next infos could be but I think they might play a role in the way I feel)
I just moved in a new country in august of last year to study a health related major, and the whole experience it’s been has been causing me a lot of anxiety to the point where i had a depressive episode in december which made me sadder overall since then. And finally, the classic, I don’t have a good relationship with my father figure which always noticeably made my relationship with men a bit complicated. (always looking for validation etc)
Some things I didn’t talk abt in depth but I had to get out of my chest :
The way I feel inferior to him sometimes bc of our opposite lifestyles (he’s sportive, has a job,is fairly happy and i’m struggling at uni, don’t exercise enough and is quite sad most of the time lol)
The jealousy i feel bc ik a lot of girls want him and i feel like a 3/10 dating a 8/10 which leads me to thinking he deserves better than me
TLDR : I wonder if I should break up with my partner because of some incompatibilities but I’m also wondering if it’s not just a normal phase of a relationship.
What should I do I’m lost….
Thank you guys for reading, it surely wasn’t pleasant to read but english isn’t my first language haha