A lot of people say that to be successful with women I need to be confident but I’m not sure if “confidence” is real for guys like me.
Like the most confident guys I know are guys who were attractive their entire lives and got tons of attention from girls their age (and in some cases much much much older women). They never had a shortage of friends or girlfriends and because of that they extroverts who have tons of confidence.
I am bullied for being ugly still now in college and I have never had many friends, have never had a girl like me, and just had less of a life than those guys did.
So now I’m told to just be confidence and I don’t really see that as possible or even realistic. I also fail to see how being “confident” would negate me being ugly.
So are attractive people confident or are confident people attractive?
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Both… but I’ve seen attractive people not be confident and vice versa as well.
I used to be neither and now I’m both and I’d say they play off of each other. I was always a socially awkward weird kid and lost my hair at 16 to boot. I had crippling depression and anxiety all throughout my teenage and college years and had no social skills and played video games 12 hours a day every day
At 23 I decided to change myself and started lifting religiously and forced myself into social situations to practice speaking to people. The results were miraculous, it was so much easier to get hot and fit than I believed and so much easier to fake confidence than I thought it would be once I started to have a baseline level of confidence in my body. Lifting fixed my posture within months and by the end of my first year I was looking pretty damn good
I’m 29 now and don’t recognize myself. I’m a big muscular dude, work a very well paying tech sales job, and am one of the most outgoing people you’ll ever meet. The point I’m trying to make is just that you can absolutely become both more confident and more attractive regardless of your starting point
No matter how ugly you think you are I promise you that you’ll look a hell of a lot better and be a hell of a lot more confident with a big muscular build and that’s something that’s 100% within your control
Confidence is extremely attractive, and I can personally back that up. My boyfriend is completely different than the usual guys I went for (muscular, athletic, etc). He’s slender, more on the nerdy side, and being perfectly honest, when I first met him I didn’t feel any physical attraction. But his confidence sent that through the roof. He knows who he is and isn’t afraid to let people see the real him, he stands by his interests and opinions without molding them to fit peoples expectations, and him being so comfortable with who he is has allowed him to develop an amazing sense of humor. The more time I spent around him, the more I felt something developing for him, until he was one the most attractive men Ive ever seen. I went from taking no notice of him to trembling from anticipation the first time he kissed me entirely from his confidence. So trust me when I say that confidence hands down is key. Good luck OP, I have faith you can find it within yourself 🙂
Its both. Confidence breeds attraction, and knowing for a fact you are attractive helps you be confident.
I’ve met crazily attractive people who hate their looks, and I’ve met not so good looking people who are insanely arrogant.
Confidence is attractive, there’s no doubt about it. There’s plenty of people here who will disagree and say you have to be physically attractive, but I would hazard a guess that they are not confident people. Someone who is unafraid to be themselves and go after what they want is truly sexy as hell to me. And I’ve dated guys who were extremely physically attractive to me, but were just too awkward and uncomfortable around me that I found myself no longer attracted to them.
Both are true, but the latter is even more so true. It’s all about your mindset friend.
In the dating world, people can smell insecurity from a mile away. They see it your photos, in the way you present yourself and talk about yourself/others, and how you take compliments; it’s more noticeable than you think. Let’s say you do bag someone who loves how you look – your insecurities will not go away just because you’re in a relationship. Your partner might end up putting in more work to reassure you, which can be very exhausting and unfair to them over time.
I’ve had body image issues forever, and in the last few years my weight has fluctuated significantly. I’m currently 20lbs heavier than I was at my lowest weight, but I am at the point of accepting and loving how I look no matter what I weigh. And the change in my confidence levels have been more noticeable than when my body was at it’s lowest weight! I never dared to post bathing suit pics, because who was I to try to align myself with all these other women with perfect bodies?? But once I stopped giving a fuck and decided that I am attractive and worth loving exactly as I am right now, I’ve attracted so many people who see me the way I see myself: as someone sexy and worth getting to know. I hardly can believe it sometimes, but it goes to show that confidence is key.
Conventionally attractive people have more options not just because of their looks, but because they are self-assured. A less conventionally attractive person (like myself) can attract just as many people when they have that same sort of confidence in themselves. You can see happiness on someone’s face in the same way you can see insecurity, so that’s what needs to be worked on.
I generally find all confident people in someway attractive, I don’t always find attractive people confident, quite the opposite.
I think its that attractive people get more leeway to be unconfident, which helps give them confidence.
Unattractive people get no leeway and get shut down almost immediately when their confidence falters.
Its a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Confidence makes you attractive, but being attractive doesn’t necessarily make you more confident. Some of the most attractive people out there will receive all the validation in the world, yet deep down still be very insecure. Confidence comes from how you view yourself, not from how others see you. If you view yourself as unattractive, then work towards improving on that. Clean up, get in shape, eat healthier, wear nice well-fitting clothes, and groom your hair. The better you feel about yourself, regardless of how others view you, will make you more confident. That, in turn, will make you more attractive.
Yes.
As someone who was physically attractive long before I got confident, I can honestly say confidence is key.
It wasn’t until I developed my confidence that people started paying attention to me. My looks didn’t change, but suddenly I was getting tons of attention (a little of which I did receive before, I’ll admit, which probably helped in building my confidence). Now, I’m quite fearless in asking for or pursuing what I want in all aspects of life.
Confidence goes a very, very long way.
I know people who are attractive but do terribly in dating because of a lack of confidence.
I know people who aren’t very attractive but very confident and do quite well.
I think you need to always add a bit of context, there are different types of confidence and there are different types of attraction. Confidence is a skill, it has to be practiced and learnt, it can come and go if you don’t keep using it. Attractiveness certainly makes it easier but it doesn’t guarantee it.
Confidence is paramount. Aesthetically good looking people who are unconfident don’t come off as attractive.
I’m in the same spot as u but I’m friends with people who act and have had confidence there whole life and I dont understand how they do it
I am both but I tend to notice people like my looks more than my personality. Then when they learn how I am they tend to like that more than just my looks.
Confidence in a none cocky/arrogant way = Hot/attractive
Looks without confidence is also hot, but not as intriguing.
I think a mix of both just makes the deal go from 50% to 100%. So at least starting by working on yourself overall improves all of you. Remember that: How you dress, if you work out or not, posture, skincare (for guys too) and diet is all in YOUR CONTROL! You don’t have to start off as a 10 to become a 10. By that I mean you don’t have to be more than average to become above average.
Everything has it’s balance.
To add more to this:
Have you ever noticed that a lot of hot (attractive physically) women who are insecure don’t tend to get a long lasting relationship? It’s simply due to that insecurity. A confident man loves a confident women, and will take someone who is less attractive with confidence above someone with the oppisite.
F24 here.