AskWomen, where is the line between a someone being vulnerable and a someone fishing for sympathy?

19 comments

  1. Those are two completely different concepts, so there is sometimes overlap and sometimes not.

    And if someone is fishing for sympathy, give it to them! Like who doesn’t want to be cherished and loved?

  2. Even if someone’s ‘fishing for sympathy’ there is clearly a reason why. everyone has reasons man.

  6. Even if I sense that someone is fishing for sympathy, I always try and be kind and just give it to them, it costs me nothing to offer a kind word. Putting that aside, some people fish for sympathy to try and get you to do other things for them and that is where I draw the line.

  7. I don’t think either are necessarily bad, but I consider it to be inappropriate emotional dumping based on context and relationship to the person you’re sharing with.

  8. In general I think if you’re accusing someone of “fishing for sympathy” you’re almost certainly the asshole in that situation.

  9. I could be wrong, but I think by saying “fishing for sympathy” you’re meaning emotionally manipulating. So, just for all those suggesting to always give those people sympathy that can be a really bad idea. If you set a boundary and someone does the “woe is me” routine to get you to let them cross that boundary that’s not a good thing. It’s important to recognize the difference in some who genuinely needs some love and care and someone who is using you.

    If they are being vulnerable and needing sympathy then they typically aren’t asking anything from you. If they are fishing for sympathy in a way that they could be emotionally manipulating you then they probably are trying to get something from you even if that thing is just constant attention.

  10. Their motives. Sometimes you just need to give people the benefit of the doubt… and like others have said, sometimes people do truly need that sympathy! We shouldn’t be the ones to judge what others truly need.

  11. If someone dismissed your problems to talk about their own then they’re probably fishing for sympathy

  12. There’s no harm in showing someone a bit of compassion when they are fishing for sympathy but if it’s constant to the point they are an emotional vampire towards you, I would try to distance myself

  13. I find when someone is genuinely vulnerable they tend to hesitant about opening up and sharing everything. The emotions is visibly real.

  14. There’s a fine line and if someone is showing genuine vulnerability I will be sympathetic to them.

    For example my cousin did a brief live on FB to promote her new business and she was hesitant to admit that she wasn’t feeling her usual self at all because of a tooth abscess, but you could see that it was really draining her and she did get a little teary from lack of sleep and eating properly, a toothache is hell so people were giving her some love because she was being genuinely vulnerable about her pain and emotional state.

    On the flip side I have a FB friend that constantly fishes for attention or sympathy so much so that people no longer respond to it. In December he posted that he was waiting for an ambulance but it didn’t get enough likes/comments so he started tagging people in it which is just really weird.

  16. It’s not what they share, it’s how they share it, when, and if you are an appropriate person for them to be reaching out to for support.

  17. I will only show sympathy if the person is genuinely vulnerable. However, if they start doing it for attention, then I distance myself.

  18. Vulnerability would use I-centered language. “I have a lot on my plate and have been having trouble coping. Can I have your help in X way?” Fishing for sympathy would use other-centered language. “No one helps me at home, my car broke down, and my boss is a jerk.” The former is more likely to garner support and sympathy. The latter comes off as demanding of sympathy and support.

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