So for most everyone else they have little to no problems making friends with women, but I always have and it’s only gotten worse as I get older. A big part of it is my severe anxiety but idk…there’s some kinda of barrier there. People just say “Treat women just like men” and all that, but if you’re sarcastic and you have dark humor, that doesn’t really work with women upon meeting them initially. Interacting with women seems so different, almost as if I’m a foreign species. it doesn’t help that I have no female co-workers, either. But the main thing really is…goodwill.
Women seem to treat me so differently than men. Women never open conversations with me, make jokes, ask me questions try to continue conversations, give me compliments in passing, etc. In my 31 years of life…women never have done that. It’s like I’m invisible to them, even platonically. And I’m not weird or anything. I don’t leer at women, hit on them, or hover around them or anything. I couldn’t be more safe or respectful. I’m groomed, I’m in shape, I dress really well so it’s not like my hygiene or my appearance is an issue. (I mean I’m not a looker, but I’m just talking about making friends lol)
I even tried volunteering at an art gallery to make friends, but that didn’t really pan out. I’m weird and my interests are alternative and artsy. Metal/indie concerts, festivals, art shows, indie horror films, naturey stuff, etc.
What am I missing?
15 comments
When you say “dark humor” what do you mean? Because if you’re making rape jokes or sexist jokes, no shit women don’t want to approach you—we have no way of determining if you’re being serious or not. Lots of sexist people use jokes as a way to feel out the social acceptability of their views.
Do you engage in social circles that objectify or demean women or other groups of people, such as LGBT people or POC? Because if that’s the case, no woman will ever approach you.
Why do you have this idea that women are a foreign species? We’re people. Do you struggle to grasp that concept? If so, I would ask you to work on figuring out why you don’t humanize women.
ETA: all your interests are common with women. Are you condescending to them, do you act as if they don’t know as much, or do you dismiss their interest as surface-level and not as intelligent? Do you engage in actual conversations about them?
Also, nobody cares what you look like. That’s not a big factor when it comes to making friends.
I’m assuming you’re a straight male, but that would explain why some women you don’t know very well are less inclined to become friendly with you. It truly is nothing personal, and it’s not you or anything you’re doing… it’s just the world we live in. Women deal with a lot of creepy men on a daily basis, a lot of interactions we as men don’t experience, and on a scale we can’t imagine. And from complete strangers… unwarranted in very public places.
There are a lot of men who portray themselves as nice guys with good intentions but really they are no better than the outright creeps they are just better at hiding it. I’m not saying you’re one of them but I’m trying to get you to see it from the perspective of a girl. If she’s not interacting with you on a regular basis (work, school, church, art class, some other function) she doesn’t know you and has no way to gauge whether or not you’re a creep. So it would make sense for most women to have some sort of guard up until they can figure you out, but again if you’re not in regular contact with them they cant figure you out.
I’m a quite flamboyant openly gay man so I am pretty easily accepted by most women, even ones I don’t know… but even I approach women sometimes and get a colder first response, and again I don’t blame them they deal with a lot from our sex.
Yeah women have been really unkind to me in life. I’ve never had any woman ever take me under their wing and want to see me flourish or fly. It’s really disappointing…because I sadly idolized these women who didn’t even care one bit about me.
Not every interaction will be best friends. Most won’t.
You said in another post if you saw someone with a Metallica t shirt you’d look away.
Well that is a missed opportunity. Maybe not for a best friend but for a small pleasant conversation.
Do you like the music, or the style? Is a good opener for a t- shirt band. Don’t shame her if it’s just for the style or a gift.
I have trouble making friends with women despite being one, :’) this is a mind boggling enigma that only the fortunate have solved! Witch craft!!
Do you have male friends? What kind of things do you do together and talk about? Also, do you mind sharing some examples of failed interactions you’ve had with women?
All I can say is that Reddit definitely will not be able to help you with this problem. Seeing from the comments, people are already assuming there is something wrong about you when you insist there isn’t. It certainly makes one feel crazy, because how do you prove there isn’t anything wrong with you?
FWIW, I’m a few years younger but in the same boat as you. I know exactly what you’re taking about when it comes to “treating women just like men”. I treat them with the same respect for sure. But I’m sure as hell not going to make dick jokes with a woman I just met, whereas I’d feel comfortable doing that with a guy.
Also, coming to the guys I have seen around me who have women friends – I have never seen a single one of them treat their female friends the same way as their male friends. There is a noticeable change in attitude, tone and demeanor.
All I can say is, try befriending men who have female friends in their group and hopefully you become part of the group. Or if you’re going the hobby/volunteering route, show up frequently and talk to the same people over and over again. Hopefully something sticks.
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You are missing this, vital information https://youtu.be/iz19y9a9bsQ?si=TA7JERbkGj4UiNud
Maybe considered joining some coed activity groups, for example hiking groups, or some other activity. Often activity based groups (like meet up for example) will have a social aspect that is a spin off of the actual hikes. During my single years, I made a lot of friends through those groups and we all had a robust social life. Best of luck to you. You sound like a very nice young man. Don’t give up.
I think the way a lot of women prefer to meet people (both platonically and sometimes also romantically) is via an introduction from someone else. It saves them the trouble of having to personally ‘screen’ you because someone they already know and trust has accepted you, so it’s easier for them to let their guard down and accept you as well. Way easier than if they have to interact with you on a one-on-one basis and then spend time deciding whether they like you or not, and sometimes they don’t even trust their own judgement with that if they feel like they’ve made bad decisions in that regard before.
Wasn’t this exact thing posted a few days ago?
Going to your profile got me creeped out, for real. Every day you create a post in a different subreddit about this same topic.
You have like 30 topics already, hundreds of answers, and yet everyday you repeat the same question.
I’m not being mean here you really need professional help, and to stop asking the same question over and over again.
It sounds like you’re obsessed with someone that doesn’t want to befriend you and you can’t accept that, so you keep insisting.
Just because you don’t like someone’s answer doesn’t give you the right to insist until it changes.
Stop what you’re doing, get professional help, focus on how to stop obsessing on women, and work on your mental health.
I think you know your problem.. you don’t interact with them. How do you expect them to do you the favor? You know you’ve got zero female interaction and you also know the reason why. Nobody’s to blame here but if you want a job, you apply for it( note :standing on a street, asking for it , isn’t gonna help). Nope, you can’t expect people to approach you on the street nor can you approach them obviously. Work on your social anxiety and go the right place. Practice again and again. When you get a signal that someone isn’t interested, back away. Now the question is where do you go to make friends? Gym?Yoga classes?Dance class? Team sport?Bar?. (The point is making regular contact). Also the key point is if you want ONLY friendship act like it. As long as you approach someone with pure intentions of having only a good conversation, you’ll be good to go. You’ll have to get over that the fact that she’s a FEMALE.
Hey I thought I recognized this sort of post. I saw a few like this and sure enough it seems like you’re the same guy. We spoke a bit before but im now realizing that you frequently post the same questions over and over and I’m not really sure why you’re so adamant on having female friends.
Is there a specific reason why? Do you want to date them? I do get you on social awkwardness and feeling lonely, I do, but I’m a weird socially awkward woman and I don’t really expect to have male friends. I’m going off of what you mentioned but you feel as if women treat you poorly, and I can relate to this. Men treat me like I don’t exist. But despite this, I don’t feel like I’m owed their friendship. I don’t detest them. I do recognize that my social awkwardness is the culprit. And I think that this is your case as well. I just want any friend tbh I don’t care if they’re male, female, non-binary, does not matter to me whatsoever. Men naturally get along better with men and women get along better with women in a friendship setting. It’s a natural thing.
You posted this sort of post many times and you’ve gotten a lot of good answers but you always seem argumentative. My suggestion would be to listen to what others are saying. Your feelings of isolation are valid, you mentioned that you’re ugly and obvi I don’t know you but I can tell you that it isn’t your looks. I’m ugly as shit too lol but also I notice many “ugly”, aka, unconventional-looking folks thrive in romantic relationships and friendships. Men and women. This is why I know it’s a me issue. I would suggest that you stop being so argumentative. You won’t grow with this mindset. You need to be more receptive. You keep asking the same thing over and over and you keep arguing with people. Do you really want to grow as a person or do you want to just argue?
I do hope that you can feel a more sense of belonging. I know it sucks to be lonely. If I were you, I’d cherish your friendships, even if they’re not women. Your rants aren’t an issue, it’s good to rant it out, but it’s your intention with them.