One of the social skills I’m most jealous of is the ability to hold a “flowing conversation “. What I mean by this is when two people’s inner consciousnesses almost seem to connect like two jigsaw pieces, so that the conversation “flows”. Both parties are in the present moment; both parties are interested in each other; words seem to come gushing out of each person’s mouth, with little to no thought or pause; laughter is made all the easier by the strong connection that binds the two people’s minds together.
Maybe I’m exaggerating here slightly, but you know what I mean. These are the type of conversations that can last for hours; indeed, these are the type of conversations that one can resume effortlessly even if there should be a slight pause. To me, it is a beautiful thing.
However, I don’t think I’ve been in such a flow state in a very long time. My conversation tends to be highly mechanical, almost like an interrogation. I show interest in the person but have nothing to contribute myself. I end up making mundane observations or remarks, and find myself relating stories with half as much enthusiasm as I have when listening. The dialogue becomes forced, robotic, even irritating to the person I’m interviewing. People enjoy talking about themselves, naturally, but I’ve found there is a limit not just to how much they will share about themselves, but also to the interest they show back. I feel as if I simply cannot make a deep connection with someone that enables a flowing conversation to happen. They notice this mental block, too, resulting in awkward pauses. As a result, I often feel like shit after a conversation, and it’s not just because I’m an introverted person.
Any tips on how to make conversation less mechanical? I genuinely have no idea what to say in conversations. I cannot form a “flow state” with another person.