TLDR: My cats’ presence bothers my boyfriend so he wants me to either get rid of them or find a new boyfriend.
I (26f) have been with my boyfriend (59m) for two and a half years. We have been living together for about 6 months. I adopted two kittens about 8 months before I met him. They are brother and sister from a litter that my mom fostered. I completely adore them. They are sweet, affectionate, like to cuddle, etc. I don’t plan on having kids so I’ve always looked to them as my children in a way. I’ve gotten a couple of scratches here or there during playtime but they’ve never been aggressive to me or my boyfriend. My boyfriend hates them. He doesn’t interact with them (except to throw pillows at them when they meow). Sometimes he’ll rush at them or throw a pillow at them just to get a chuckle out of seeing them scramble. He wants them outside almost exclusively unless we have rain or snow. There is a nice patio here that they enjoy hanging out on- they have cushions, a cat tower, and always a water bowl out there. They do have a lot of energy and enjoy exploring the neighborhood. They were not outdoor cats before we moved in together. I would let them out for maybe an hour or two a week but that was it. I’m actually not sure if they even prefer being outside or if they just really don’t want to be around him. If he goes to bed before me sometimes I’ll open the backdoor and the cats will come right in. He says they are too needy and loud. They do meow quite a bit, and I’m no animal expert, but they only really did that once I stopped being home as much when I got together with my boyfriend. At his house now, their things are confined to two rooms on the second story (there are four floors total), and they are only allowed in those two rooms. They are not allowed in the kitchen (at all- not just “no counters”), they are not allowed on any furniture (because it’s leather), no bathrooms, no bedrooms. When I first moved in they had access to the first floor- a cat tower in the living room, and a litterbox and a couch they were allowed on (the only non leather piece of furniture on the first floor, but I never really go in that room so neither did the cats). Cat tower was moved outside, litterbox was moved to the other room on the second floor, and the covering I purchased for the couch was taken off. When the cats want to come inside or go outside, it is a mad dash to the back door and they will often turn around if they see him.
I’m really struggling with this because I hoped that if he had some time to get to know them more then he would see they aren’t that bad. I even explained to him a million times that their meowing was so bad when we first got together because I was hardly ever home and they wanted my attention when I was. When I moved in with him the meowing decreased significantly (they started to only meow to greet me and when food time came around). But now when they’re inside and I’m not upstairs with them, the meowing has returned (until he gets upset and chases them with pillows).
He’s told me that he never minded cats before until he met mine. He’s only ever had outdoor dogs before (both in childhood and adulthood). He’s told me repeatedly that the cats will be the end to our relationship and I should get rid of them. If they do anything that bothers him (meows) then he tells me to “take care of it or get rid of them”.
Yesterday it was drizzling all afternoon. I was at work and didn’t think to check the weather. He covered up the stuff outside for me since he was home. The cats were out all day. By the time I got home later that night it had finished raining but was chilly. One of the cats was on the porch and came inside with me – bolted up the stairs. I unpacked my things, said hello, and went upstairs to change and say hello to my cat. I came back down about 15 minutes later and he told me “if the cat disturbs my morning then they’re both gone”. I asked him why he was so upset. He told me “they were outside all day just fine. They didn’t come to the door once”. I stood there baffled, and he went to bed. I slept on a beanbag in my home office (first time I’ve done that). It’s one of the two rooms they’re allowed in. She snuggled with me all night like she used to before I moved in with him.
I’m really considering breaking up/moving out. I haven’t spoken to him yet today. I’m tired of the vague threats. I love this man and I thoroughly enjoy his company. He will do/say other things unrelated to the cats that can get under my skin, but none of it would warrant breaking up over. Should I leave? Get rid of the cats? Am I being a child?