To clarify; I love my partner and do not want to end the relationship unless I’m sure that’s the best option for both of us. We have been together for 6 months, living in the same dormitory hall, and the whole time I have struggled with finding them consistently attractive. I certainly have found them attractive, otherwise, I wouldn’t have gotten into the relationship to start, but this does not feel like the majority of the time.
Things like the way they often dress, their lack of oral hygiene, and a general lack of attention to the way they present themselves have made it very hard for me to keep a straight face when they ask me why I seem frustrated with them. I feel very shallow for caring this much how they look, and I think I owe it to both of us to address it soon, but I have no idea how. This lack of care for appearances extends deeper though as they do not keep a tidy living space or even fold their laundry sometimes. They struggle with gender dysphoria, depression, anxiety, and other things that lend to this problem, and I’ve tried my best to be patient but they seem to be in no rush to try and get better even if they want to.
I don’t know my place in all this. I struggle to even enjoy being intimate with them oftentimes as a result and I feel terrible. The best of my partner is worth my patience for now, but I don’t know if my feelings are valid or if they deserve someone who won’t be bothered by these things instead of me. This is my first real relationship and I lack the perspective to know what I should do. Thank you to those who read this far and might give me advice, I appreciate it. Have a good day.
TLDR: My partner struggles with mental health issues and as a result doesn’t pay much attention to the way they look. This makes them less attractive to me and I’m struggling to know how to respond.