I (22f) have been meeting a guy (24m) casually on and off since November 2021. In the end of January he broke it off but then recently contacted me again. He had broken the fwb relationship off because he had started meeting someone and because he thought I was too insecure. By meeting up with him again I feel like I threw away every last ounce of self-respect I had. Since we starting hanging out again I’m starting to feel really upset. I’m not confused as to whether or not he has feelings for me because I know he doesn’t. What confuses me is how he can do the things we do (sex ofc, very very intimate cuddling, inside jokes and always laughing/chatting, spending the night) and be able to completely compartmentalize it so that it means nothing. It makes me feel so disposable and used because for me it isn’t just about the sex (I care the least about the sex, I just like spending time with him even though we’re never going to be in a relationship). I’m also confused because when we were hooking up previously he told me that for a while he thought he was catching feels but then changed his mind so it makes it even more complicated. It’s very “hot” when we’re hanging out but in between I feel like shit because he leaves me on read and reaches out much less than I do.
TL;DR: I feel so alone, used and confused by the difference in how my feb acts when we hang out vs in between hangouts. I don’t understand how he’s able to make me feel like his gf and like I’m nothing at the same time. I should cut it off but the thought of it is devastating so I can’t. Also, I would love for someone who can manage to make fwb work to explain how they’re able to separate sex from feelings, if that makes sense. Sorry for the vent, thank you for taking the time to read this :,)
5 comments
He makes you feel like he likes you and you’re his gf because he is getting what he wants from you -sex.
The rest of it is just so he doesn’t look like the complete ahole that he is.
For your own sake, stop meeting him.
He makes you feel like crap and adds nothing to your life.
>I care the least about the sex,
Then it’s time to drop the “benefits” part and just be friends.
If a FWB arrangement is making you unhappy, then it’s not working for you anymore. FWB is supposed to be fun. There’s no “separate sex from feelings in 5 easy steps”. Some people can and some people can’t.
The temporary discomfort you feel by getting rid of him is nothing compared to the misery of feeling used and discarded. Find the relationship you want and this will feel like a waste of your time.
Girl, having a fwb is stupid in the first place. Let it go.
maybe try talking to him about your feelings? and if he isn’t interested maybe just change it to only friends. im so sorry you’re going thru this. i’m going through a break up and it’s so difficult letting people go so if you need an ear you can always reach out:)
You both agreed on an arrangement. He’s better at sticking to it than you are. You don’t have to how he is able to compartmentalize. You’re not him so you’ll never know. I’d like to know how to hit a 100mph fast ball 450ft, but I’ll never be able to do it, or actually understand how someone can do it. You just need to think about yourself. It’s not working for you, so end it.