I (24F) have been with my boyfriend (26M) for almost a year. Nothing unusually disruptive had ever happened, our relationship is near perfect. That was until a month ago when my friend told him about things I used to do when I was younger. She told him about exactly how many guys I’ve had sex with and crazy shit I used to do. She thought this was a compliment for whatever reason. He got furious with me, like literally made my life hell for an entire month. He treated me like a subhuman, which I was patient with because I tried to get his view. I tried to mend things and make him see me as someone who has changed. But my attempts went to waste. Last week I found out he’s been cheating on me for a while. He got way too upset by my sexual past that he thought his best way to vent was cheating. He’s blaming it on me, calling me dishonest, and wants me to “keep trying” to make the relationship work while he thinks about my genuineness. This just feels weirdly humiliating. He says that no guy would be okay with my past and it kinda makes sense if this is his reaction. I want to leave so badly but this impulse in me wants to prove that I’ve really changed.
To be perfectly frank — my past isn’t even that concerning relative to my friends. I had 45 partners, and I did a number of 3somes in college and shortly after.
34 comments
Everyone is telling you that your past doesn’t matter. Yet, there’s a story like this every few days.
It seems like our ideals regarding people’s pasts, don’t necessarily match up with the realities of human nature. More particularly, male nature.
It seems like many men can’t accept a woman’s past. That’s their prerogative.
But cheating is a shitty way to get even. He should have just broken up with you.
I’m sorry 😞
Never talk to him or ur “friend” ever again. Those are 2 very shitty ppl
People have a right to have preferences and this is his. He should have just ended things if this was a problem though.
You also need to drop that friend and get friends that can keep their mouths shut.
EDIT: It’s funny how men who have a problem with a woman’s past get labeled as insecure considering that I’ve come across many women who say that a guy that’s never been in a relationship before is a red flag. If that’s not holding someone’s past against them, what is? People need to get a clue.
Not being ok with someone’s past is totally fine. Using it as an excuse to cheat and to treat the person like trash is not ok. He should have just broken up with you. But fyi 45 is A LOT of people
Your boyfriend is a dick for cheating. That’s on him. Though, as a guy, I can understand why he was upset with your sexual past. I mean, holy shit, 45 partners plus some threesomes at age 24. Assuming you started in college at age 18, you slept with a *new* person every 2 months or so, and that’s not even considering you had sex with the same person multiple times. Of course, it is up to you how you live your life, but I can tell you that most guys absolutely do not want a woman with such a high n count. Also, how come you never told him about it after a year? Usually, the topic comes up one way or the other sooner than that.
You ARE dumping this AH, right!?
He’ll lord this over you forever. Get out while you still can.
Your friend did this completely on purpose. And your bf is completely in the wrong to treat you this way. The only question is, how long will you tolerate him treating you like shit? Dump his dumb ass.
I don’t want to understate the point that your boyfriend is being manipulative and toxic.
But having 45 partners is definitely a lot
Just push all that trash to the curb darlin, your friend and your ex.
Having feelings is one thing, vindication is another. And then to act like a big giant baby and blame his decisions on you…because *he* doesn’t feel good enough. Trashcan!
He cheated on you because he’s a cheater.
He didn’t cheat on you to get even. He’s using it as an excuse to cheat.
Sorry you’re going through this, but better to know how disgusting of a person he is now rather than later!
He probably should’ve just left instead of cheated. I think he just felt so embarrassed on the spot because of your friend and he just didn’t know how to handle it. I would think in almost a year though that it would’ve come up in conversation at least once. As a guy who’s only had sex with 3 people before my gf it would probably come as a shock to me that my girlfriend slept with 45 people and to also find that out from your friend and not even you lol.
Not siding with the boyfriend at all but to say 45 isn’t a wild ass number for someone being only 24 is wild lmao, but the guy should’ve just left instead of cheating
While 45 *is a fucking lot* and I’d probably leave if I found out my partner did that, that guy is a massive asshole. Break up with him.
> 24
> Just 45 partners
> not that concerning
Mate
I mean, 45 with multiple 3 sums is a a lot….sorry. If you were 35 I’d feel a little different. I said this in another thread but “body count” matters…and I think this is true both ways.
That said, he is acting like a child. If he’s not OK with it then break up with you. You don’t deserve that kind of behavior
Oh and your friend was absolutely trying to sabotage.
“After 45 I’m ready to settle down”
Jesus I thought you were finna say like 10-15 but 45?? Sheesh I don’t think I would want to be with that either, wouldn’t treat you like utter dogshit though.
45 partners at 24 isn’t a crazy amount? Girl I’m almost 40 and I nor any of my friends have been with half that many partners.
That being said, that’s not a reason to cheat on someone. The past is the past and if you have grown as a person, then the past is where it should stay. You didn’t lie, it’s not like you told him you were a virgin. And to tell you that you that you need to keep working on things so HE can determine if YOU are genuine while he still cheats? Who made him the authority on your being genuine? Sorry, but he is garbage and so is your friend. She probably did it on purpose because she’s probably trying to cause trouble between you and bf so she can make a move. They both suck and you are better off without either of them.
The bigger question is why didn’t he know your past before?
>To be perfectly frank — my past isn’t even that concerning relative to my friends. I had 45 partners, and I did a number of 3somes in college and shortly after.
Fuck my life. 45 at 24 and multiple 3somes? And that’s mild compared to your friends?!? Man…. I could never… This is why I don’t ask about sexual past, but fuck…..
Someone’s past absolutely matters and it’s actually even worse to see all these women posting on here trying to act like it’s not a big deal.
I mean your bf is an asshole but 45 partners..? Jesus Christ
Your friend should have not seen it as her place to discuss your sex life with him. Id be mad at her as well as him
Bounce. I was that guy once. He’s gotta learn women aren’t objects. It haunts me regularly.
Can understand why your bf would be uncomfortable with that past, especially as he wasn’t aware of it.
But cheating wasn’t the answer and you don’t deserve to deal with him. End it!
45 partners by 24 lmao
>my friend told him about things I used to do when I was younger. She told him about exactly how many guys I’ve had sex with and crazy shit I used to do. She thought this was a compliment for whatever reason
Firstly this is why I tell women that your friends who know your dirt are future enemies. Keep your dirt to yourself ladies. Gossip never does you any favors especially to your drama loving friends.
>To be perfectly frank — my past isn’t even that concerning relative to my friends. I had 45 partners, and I did a number of 3somes in college and shortly after.
The fact you say relative to your friend ties into the fact your friend thought it was a compliment…probably.
Just because you have the lowest number compared to friend doesn’t change the fact it’s still 45 people total by age 24. Some were solo. Some repeats. Some were threesome(something many men dont experience outside of porn) but the number doesn’t mean as much as the lifestyle you lived during that time frame vs now. That’s really why your past matters.
Let’s be logical for a moment: even here you if you read enough post and comment most people who have a higher body count lived or is still living a lifestyle that encourages it or they did it out of insecurities of some kind. Both of which is like adding gas to fire. And often both involves parties, drugs, alcohol.. anything that causes you to forget yesterday and tomorrow.
It such a reoccurring thing… you hear the word college or parties or drugs and my mind automatically assumes that person has some miles. Which I can rationalize as long as I dont know about the gritty details and that person is living a more or less opposite life than their wild days its doable. If you still living it up similar to when you were younger than I as a guy will have a “light bulb moment” and wont see enough differance between past them and present them. Some quirks will suddenly make sense. Any issue she has that I’m trying to work with her on(cause serious bf are supportive) might seem like a bigger task than I can handle becuaee now I’ve connected the dots and realize it trauma that require therapy. Then there’s the fact I might be feeling lied too. And form myself personally I’m slow to trust and losing trust from a GF would be take the relationship back several months or years depending on how well or bad I take the info and where we are in the relationship plus my own mental health when I find out.
Anyone on this sub saying past doesn’t matter isn’t making the connection. They’re just deluding themselves about their own behavior and the pros and cons of those behaviors.
It’s weirdly humiliating because it sadly is. The mental gymnastics justifying his cheating is beyond ridiculous. Don’t deal with bullshit from your so-called friend, why even bring up something like that to someone?
Your past is your past, it’s behind you. That loser cheated for the fuck of it – in the present – and blamed it on you, how does that work? Save your self worth and get out.
He’s wrong for cheating but if I found out some shit like that after a year I’d be upset too.
I personally would have a problem with your past. There are a number of reasons why someone would (male) or (female).
1- easy escapes to cheat because more than likely you can jump back to a previous partner quickly at the sign of a bad fight.
2- shows you have moved on from other guys quite fast. And would make me think this relationship is on a short fuse.
3- your life evolves around a constant rush and you get bored easily which isn’t gunna work long term.
4- stds
5- trust issues
Some people don’t mind especially people with a big notch count themselves, that being said he shouldn’t of cheated. but he probably already moved on from this relationship after knowing about your past. FYI your friend screwed you
I’m not trying to shame you but a body count of 45 and multiple threesomes is definitely above average.
Everyone deserves to be happy and sexual compatibility is a huge part of a relationship. Again not judging you but as a guy my eyebrows would definitely perk up if I was told that by a girl I loved.
Because of the way our society raises boys into men, many conservative friends that I’ve had definitely weren’t into girls with high body counts.
A cheater will cheat again, this relationship is damaged beyond repair and the trust is gone. If you try to keep it together it’s just going to be slow simmering resentment.
Also 45 is a lot by 24. Damn.
Nothing, I repeat, nothing gives a partner the right to cheat on you. Rule 1 of relationships, don’t cheat. Rule 2, of you don’t want to be ins relationship anymore, end it before breaking rule 1. It’s that’s simple.
You need to dump both your “friend” and your POS boyfriend