I’m not sure where else to talk about this and actually find people who may have had the same feelings as I have. i’m 19, transgender mtf, been transitioning for over 4 years. I had been in a committed situationship for the past 2 years, and have kinda closed myself to everything exploration-wise because of the situationship. well, that’s no longer a concern. I feel this urge to just do what I want, and while of course being safe, just going around and having fun with people that I click with. I used to be scared of doing it for validation, but I just want to play around as of late. this could also be a good portion because my hormones have been so out of wack lately it feels, but I have no idea. i’ve been talking to a few people and one of em I really want to explore with, not really because I want to make it go anywhere long term, but I just want to explore.
my main concern that holds me back from doing what I want is this huge fear that building a body count is going to impede on my attractiveness in future relationships. I know how I felt when I was told that someone had 8, while another person I spoke with had 180, and the levels of doubt that got put in my mind with that. I’m genuinely scared to do that to someone else but I also feel like I need to take some freedom and just explore so I can have fun while i’m young and enjoy my damn life while i’m young.
if you’ve been through a similar mental dilemma, or have any insight as a wiser adult, I would love to hear it.