I’m not sure if that my title makes any sense so let me try to explain.
When I was a kid, I was extremely weird and didn’t know how to socialize with other kids so I was alone all the time. I still was really socially awkward and weird up to even a few years ago, but I wasn’t aware of it at the time. I mean, I was *somewhat* aware, but it wasn’t until hindsight where I was able to realize what specifically I was doing and saying that was cringeworthy.
I WANT to say that I’m much less socially awkward now and better at making friends since I’ve been going out a lot more and it’s a lot easier for me to make friends now than when I was a kid, but because there was a period of my life where I wasn’t aware of how cringey I was being, I’m afraid I’m *still in that phase now*. As in, I’m currently not self aware the extent of my weirdness and social awkwardness. I wish there was a good way to measure this shit but you really just have to ask close friends if they think you’re weird or socially cringe.