Throwaway for obvious reasons.
I’m a wreck right now over all of this. It still hasn’t fully hit me and I think that I’m honestly in denial. We’ve been together for nearly three years. We’ve definitely had our flaws but I will say that he loves me more than anyone has before. He can be very sweet and I’ve never doubted that he’s loyal.
Idek where to start I’m so jumbled right now. He has some personal issues. Depression, anxiety, etc. When we started dating, he told me a lot of stories and traumas that had happened to him – very very very VERY major stuff, some of which I literally cannot stomach to repeat. Stuff that was so extreme and just horrible that I have been sick over it for the last 2.5 years, and going crazy because he would tell me I could never repeat this stuff and he’d shut me down if I ever tried talking to him about it. It took a huge toll on me as a person – I gained 40 pounds, lost all ambition, lost my personality tbh. I mean this was like graphic disturbing stuff that he would tell me about over the course of the three years.
A few days ago, something in my gut finally told me that something was very off. The details would change and things weren’t adding up. We got into a 5 hour long convo where he told me 4 different variations of the story, each time swearing so genuinely that it was the truth. He even equated it to my experience getting sad (acronym), saying that’s how traumatic it is and if I keep bringing it up he’ll break up with me. Well cut to last night, another 4 hour convo with me literally sobbing begging him to just be honest, him lying while looking straight into my eyes, and I finally found out that NONE OF IT EVER HAPPENED. the stuff that was making me go crazy with anxiety for two years was all a lie. Either that or he’s lying now to cover himself, I really don’t even know.
He had told me that he got S – Ad by his sisters friend at 12 – that never happened. Fights when he was young because he saw someone disrespecting a girl, curb stomping a guy for roofying a girl, etc. All lies. None of it ever happened, and he went so far to double down on these lies that he used my own real experiences to gaslight me into believing them . I won’t even say the biggest lie that’s really messed me up, but this gives you an idea.
He was sobbing and apologizing and I just told him “do you have any idea the trust issues you’ve given me” and he just basically said he made these things up when we were newly dating to look like a hero because he felt that I was out of his league, and then when I wouldn’t stop bringing them up it snowballed out of control and he didn’t know how to tell me it was all made up because he thought I’d leave him.
Is this something I can get past? Like I said I don’t even think I’ve processed it all yet. I love him and I’m just so confused. I also hate the thought of being single again so much (plus I’m banned from tinder and bumble too so that sucks). Jokes aside though, what would you do to get over this?
TLDR: boyfriend lied to me about his major traumas for nearly 3 years, and I’m struggling to accept and move past them. how do I get over this?