I don’t go out of my way to start a conversation with somebody. But when somebody else initiates for me, our conversation always ends up great. I get complimented for my charisma all the time.
I think it’s because I get socially anxious, I don’t want to be seen as annoying, and feel it’s not a good time to talk.
It’s especially hard with new people. I just glance and walk past them.
Any advice for me?
2 comments
Congrats on already having some awesome skills!
So the issue you’re talking about here is one of initiating. Something like this is difficult to solve just on the margins. Meaning trying to get ‘a little bit better’ at it will end up leaving you discouraged, or backsliding to your original state.
Instead you want to completely FLIP THE SCRIPT on what you’re doing and how you’re doing it. You want to rewrite the mental image you have of yourself, currently being more ‘laid back,’ or reactive or ‘willing to talk’ if approached etc.
Now you want to see yourself as THE INITIATOR. As “the person who DOES that.” As the Cruise Director in charge of checking in with people and seeing how things are going with them EVERYWHERE YOU GO. You start doing this in small ways. Initiating pleasant convos with people like: grocery cashiers, gym attendants, coffee servers, store clerks, bank tellers etc.
Make eye contact, light up a big smile, give an energetic greeting:
* “HEY, how’s it GOING?”
* “HI, how are YOU today?”
* “Good MORNING, how’s THINGS today?”
You do this over and over, daily for a month or two. You do it until it becomes PART of you. Then you can back off and do it only when you feel like it, but at the beginning you want to do it at every opportunity so you solidify it as part of your Social Identity.
That’s how you bust through barriers. You do it full force, with intentionality, at every opportunity. 90-95 percent of the time it will go well. Maybe 5 percent (1 out of 20) you’ll bump into someone who’s having a bad day (or a bad decade), but you’ll be so used to doing it that it won’t even bother you, you’ll just move on to the next interaction.
It’s a great way to desensitize yourself to rejection and build critical social skills.
Doing something ONCE can be intimidating. Doing it REPEATEDLY leads to mastery and social success.
Good luck!
Just practice it more
Your sticking point is approaching
That’s great awareness
Make a fun 30 challenge of approaching new 3-5 people everyday