Hey guys,
I 32M was dating my girlfriend 30(F) from past 4 months and everything was going great till 2 days ago.
We both got into this relationship with our struggles from past relationship(s). She had toxic relationships and her own unaddressed mental health problems in her past which prompted her to take therapies and go through recovery. I on the other hand had a long term relationship which ended badly which my gf getting involved outside of relationship.
I was single for almost 3 yrs before getting into my latest 4 months old relationship.
Everything was going good, we clicked from 1st week, we loved seeing each other more n more, found similarities and accepted that we are building something special, something which both were seeking.
But there was one issue where I started to feel like she is not able to reciprocate to the extent I was doing it. Sometimes she hardly speak when with me and I felt exhausted trying to begin convocation.
Couple of days ago, my patience ran out and the fear of being getting ignore (from my past experiences) made me overreact when she went out with her guy friend whom she was meeting after months and I literally felt she ignored me considering I was having off that day. I started bothering her msgs, calling her and made her day shitty instead and text fights (which always suck) ended up I breaking up work her. I don’t know why I behaved that way and I am hating myself for it from past 2 days. I cried my eyes out and asked from her forgiveness. I somehow able to met her next day to say sorry and take me back but she denied my request.
She said that she always notice patterns and there were few in me which showed I am trying to create a co-dependent relationship and I have insecurities. She kept on saying to me that If I need something, I should ask directly rather than expecting her to know by herself and then getting hurt.
I am feeling extremely bad about myself and knowledge she shared with me on such relationships and people shattered me from within. I am questioning myself, my conditioning, my past relationships if I was the reason for the mess up and a lot more.
I cried my eyes out from past 2 days and it’s been hard, really hard days of my life.
She suggested me to take therapy rather than relying on a partner to help me navigate through such behavior traits.
I am ready to read more about it, take therapy for my betterment. But I am not sure if I should keep pursuing her. I know she has her own mental struggles but I loved truly and I am repenting for actions.
She is heart broken but she gave me the option of staying her friend, starting from scratch like good friends (sha said she thinks it might not work now but) and then we will see where it goes. I do see her still caring for me and sharing articles such as Co-dependent relationship vs Authentic Intimacy. And I am ready to work on myself because I know its me in the end who always get hurt with my own behavior. I am literally moving to a different city for her only and now with this happenings, it shattered all my dreams.
I am ready to work on myself through therapy and self introspection but I am not sure now if I should pursue her because I still love her and staying as friends could be tricky.
Does her option to me for starting all over as friend first mean she still likes me and want to see if I really work on myself? Should I proceed with it?
tl;dr : I think I need therapy and self improvement before I think about a new love relationship.