My gf of a little less than a year was involved in a hit and run crash and lied to her insurance company about some of the details because she thought it would help her get more money. I don’t think the lying ended up making a difference, but it raised a red flag for me. If she can lie about something that could get her into a lot of legal trouble, what’s stopping her from lying to me about stuff? It’s not like it’s the first time she’s lied either. She tells white lies to her mom and her friends about things more frequently than I would like. I tried to address the lying to the insurance to her over the phone. I asked her details about it just to make sure I wasn’t confused about what actually happened, and then I told her (in what I would consider to be a calm manner) that it bothered me. And that immediately sent her into a defensive rage, and she hung up before I could say anything else.
I texted her and said “It really does bother me..” and she said “then don’t be with me.” I responded, “It’s just.. if you’re willing to lie to your insurance company which can send you to jail, what kind of things could you be lying to me about.. that’s where my mind goes. Also, I don’t fall for this language anymore (in reference to what she said). Call me when you can.. I wasn’t trying to argue, I just wanted to talk.” To which she responded, “It’s not a language it’s a comment if you wanna correct on everything and hold a miter than tho (I think she meant to say “greater than thou”) complex and I shouldn’t do this. I shouldn’t do that on something. I already did then don’t be with me. I’m not gonna sit here and let you tell me what I did was wrong and why it’s wrong and why you don’t like it and why I’m awful.” I then said “I’m not trying to say that you’re awful, I’m trying to tell you how it makes me feel.”
It then spiraled into her being more angry and defensive, and me just trying to communicate how I felt. I also told her that saying “then don’t be with me” was a manipulative statement which made her even more angry. She tried to say that I always make her feel awful about everything she does and am super judgmental towards her. I told her that’s never my intention and tried to validate her by saying that if she actually felt that way then I am sorry and wanted to address that. She said “whatever” (I really dont think I have been judgmental towards her or have put her down. I always try to uplift and encourage her as best I can, but I can acknowledge I’m not always perfect at that. I think she might be projecting that on me from a past relationship bc I know for a fact her ex was verbally abusive from her showing me some of their messages.) She also said “you know what, I can’t do this anymore and idc to either.” I asked her if that’s what she actually thinks because she has said that in the past and was bluffing. She said “ya” but I think she’s still bluffing.
Anyways, how do I respond to this situation and bring peace to it while hopefully maintaining the relationship?
TLDR: My gf went into a defensive rage because I addressed my concerns about her lying to her insurance company, and I’m not sure how to resolve the conflict.