I discovered something about my wife’s past one week after we got married and I don’t know what to do. It seems like she had a very wild past with a guy I thought was an asshole.
I’m a bit drunk so this might be a bit of a ramble. Currently with my (33m) wife (32f) and her parents before we head off to our honeymoon in two days.
This happened a few days ago but my fiancée and I got married last week. She is the love of my life and I’ve never been happier. A couple of days after the wedding, she posted some pictures of us on Instagram and I saw a reply to her messages from a familiar unique name (let’s call him Omar since I remember he was Arab).
Now just a bit of background, my wife and I hit a rough patch roughly four years ago. During that little break, I know she slept with someone and she knows that I also slept with someone. We are at peace with both these decisions.
That Omar guy at a party we’d been to was very flirty with my wife (gf back then) but in a bit of an asshole way. I remember I didn’t like him. To be fair to him, he didn’t know we were together but he was also flirting with a couple of other girls. What really shocked me is how drawn to him my wife was. She talked to him a lot and he tried asking her to dance with him a few times. She kept making up excuses but didn’t really say she was with someone (that hurt me a bit but a break’s a break), Just that she didn’t feel like dancing. He then started dancing with this other girl who was good looking and I remember my wife staring at them so much with a panic look in her eye.
As a background, I come from a relatively conservative background and so does my wife. I’m from India and she’s from a European country (Mediterranean). The reason for the rough patch was that we both studied together at a university in a European country. We dated for about 5 years but I had problems with jobs and staying in that country. I suggested we get married as it’s something we discussed already and it would help me (visa wise). Initially she seemed convinced but I believe that some of her friends told her it’s a huge responsibility. I hated that she listened to them and that was the start of the break. A year later we started messaging and seeing each other again and have been together since then stronger than ever. The wedding was the happiest day in my life.
I did something I’m really ashamed of doing, I looked through my wife’s messages with this Omar and now I can’t sleep. She never ever cheated on me with him and I always had a feeling he was the guy she slept with when we were apart. All he sent her was a congratulations (nothing flirty or suspicious. It appears even he’s married now). I was also ok with him being the guy but scrolling back to their messages from a few years ago, I saw a side to my wife I never imagined. She was absolutely desperate for him and even though played hard to get with him. It was obvious he was gonna sleep with her. For comparison, it took me a few months of courting my wife before we did anything physical.
He wasn’t a shitty person but he was clear to her that he only wanted sex. He barely replied to her messages and the worst part is that even though she texted him on weekly basis during that year to meet up. He only had sex with her three times, because that’s when he felt like it. She also texted him a few times while she masturbated and they talked about what they did together. he asked her if she liked it when he made her taste herself, he called her a good girl for letting him finish in her mouth, he asked her if she liked having his finger in his mouth while he fucked her. There were a lot of worse things but it felt like this guy unleashed all his porn fantasies on my wife. The first time they slept together, he was out in a party and my wife texted him between 8 pm and 1 am seeing if he was available for a chat. Eventually at 1 am, he texted her to come over to his place. She left some friends she was out with and Ubered there. I know they slept together that night because when he texted her the next day, she said she can’t wait to see him again but that she felt that he didn’t cuddle enough with her after what they did.
There was another time where she told him he made her cum multiple times. This hurt more than anything else because I know my wife can’t cum without toys and that she must be lying to him to stroke his ego. Somehow this was worse.
I know they also had sex in public places. I had bought her a remote controlled vibrator once to bring us close together while I was back home for 2 months. He apparently asked her to wear it while they were out and controlled it while they were with his friends.
We have a very vanilla sex life and I’ve always assumed we were both happy with this but reading all these details just made me want to puke. Im ashamed that this is making feel she’s different. We weren’t together and it was her right to do all of this. I just can’t believe that this person who I saw as a queen was being treated like this by someone else.
One night, we got drunk together quite heavily and had sex. I remember she asked me to squeeze her neck and slap her lightly. She also asked me if I wanted her to call me daddy. That took me by surprise to be fair and made things a bit awkward the next day. I feel that maybe she wants these things but was ashamed of them with me?
What the fuck do I do? Do I talk to her? Do I try and get over it? How can I somehow unsee this. I’ve spent the past hour while my wife is out also stalking this Omar guy. I feel like I’m going crazy.
TLDR: I discovered that my wife had a wild and maybe submissive past with an asshole guy and I wish I could I see this. What can I do to get out of this?