TL;dR at the bottom
I met her online 6 months ago and after 2 weeks of texting I took her on a date (end of October), but there didn’t seem to be a good in person chemistry, so she somehow indicated to not be interested in taking it further. (later on, she also admitted to not quite liking me physically). Yet, and it may be important here, she has depression (just like me) and is on antidepressants for a few years now, so we have had a lot in common, similar life situation etc, so we kind of naturally stayed in touch after that first date and kept texting extensively every day. Initially it was texting and voice messages throughout most of the day (as both of us has been jobless) and for the last 3 months we spend a good chunk of our days on video-calls.
In January I made a hint that I’d like to casually meet her again, to which she agreed and we met maybe 4 times before the end of February. Two weeks ago we got an idea to go hiking together (as she used to do it often in recent years) and as I live 2 hours from her, I arrived at her place Saturday evening, we hiked on Sunday, but we quite enjoyed our company so I stayed at her place until Tuesday, so we spent together the whole 3 days. To make the situation clear, we slept in separate rooms, so it was purely innocent sleepover. During this stay I tried to gently break the touch barrier by sitting next to her, but she rigidly set the boundaries and was clearly not interested in any type of intimacy.
On my way home, she sent me a text that she already miss me and that she had fun. From that day on (that stay ended last Tuesday) she initiates video-calls that last almost all our waking time, so she clearly likes spending time with me.
As of the last days, we still talk a ton and it’s slowly heading to the point, where it could only go either way (a step back or committing), because it feels almost unnatural to be so close to each other, yet not “together”. The discrepancy between time and energy invested is at odds with the type of our bond, so some change is needed like an air.
We sometimes laugh that we have better contact than many marriages and indeed, the relationship literally feels just a switch away, being two oceans away at the same time.
With all that said, she keeps being adamant that she doesn’t feel anything for me. What’s more, she often confess thinking about her ex, who she was/is in love with, wishing him back, but he doesn’t see her romantically. Yet, he’s still single and they exchange messages sporadically. During this time, we also try to support each other in finding love elsewhere, so a couple of times one of us got a date and the other rooted for, but nothing ever came out of it.
To be honest, as our conversations densified I started to fell for her and now I feel I really want HER, yet I can only be an observer here, which is getting super painful. And even though I love her companionship, it seems I’m wasting time here and it very much makes me feel like a loser. On the other hand, I can easily see a heartbreak coming, because I’m so emotionally and timely invested in her, that it would be a huge bang to cut the umbilical cord.
So now the question is, should I try to pursue her and see what happens, or is this kind of situation an sign to run and save my time? What would you do? Do you see a chance here?
TL;dR: I met a girl, the first date was a fail, but we kept texting and now we’re very close to each other being in touch 24/7 and video-calling for several hours a day. The only thing missing is the emotional depth and lack of intimacy, but she isn’t willing to commit claiming that she doesn’t feel anything.