I (32f) feel like people who I consider friends don’t ever reach out or have time for me until they have problems in their life and want to vent to me.
I have lost friendships in the past because I got tired of having to initiate conversations and make plans only to be left waiting for them. I stopped reaching out and they never contacted me again.
I figured I must be a bad person in some way, so I put myself out there to make new friends and tried being more vulnerable and sharing my experiences, etc. but I find that I only get contacted when they are having a difficult time and need a person to unload to and when I am dealing with something heavy and try to share or ask for advice I get no response, an emoji, or a response days after the fact.
On the rare occasion I do get a response to a message, I feel like I am forcing a conversation and so it triggers my anxiety and I feel like a bother/annoyance.
I am fully aware everyone has their own lives, shxt, jobs, etc. but when I see them be able to stop and say a simple “hi” or see them online while my message goes unanswered for days, it triggers my OCD and I just question what is so awful about myself that I’m missing?
I am not someone who needs to spend every waking moment with someone, but for as long as I can remember I have just wanted a friend. just one single friend I can say I trust and I know trusts me and I can be vulnerable with and not fear that doing so will be the end of the friendship.