We look for a lot of qualities in a person before we date someone, we check compatibility, some people match their music/movie taste too but that one quality or factor that overpowers everything else? which could also be labelled as type?
for example: I am into people who are ambitious & goal oriented.
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I am into people who take responsibility for their shit and know how to apologize.
My mum is an alcoholic and whenever she was drunk she did the most embarrassing things or said the meanest stuff ever. Then when she got sober she just acted like nothing happend.
Values. What do they hold important.
Wanting the same things out of life! That’s one of the main things that made me want to be with my current boyfriend.
I don’t think everyone has to like the same things.. or have the same interests/hobbies.
But you do have to have something in common to vibe with a person and be able to build a relationship. If I can’t hold or a conversation with somebody or they don’t hold my interest then I’m out.
How they treat other people as well as their mom.
If they stop having their own life/ doing things they liked. I’m like this, we’ll I was like this. I’ve done that and it sucks.
So many but I guess the biggest thing is being able to communicate. I think it’s the root of most relationship problems. She needs to be able to tell me what’s wrong so I can help her.
Close second is being easygoing and easy to get along with. Women who enjoy busting your balls, bossing you around, and generally being a pain in the ass are fun for a little while but eventually the relationship will collapse when you’re sick of her shit.
Communication. I think you should be able to talk about more sensitive topics comfortably with a significant other
Accountability and communication
I have high expectations when it comes to someone I date. However, I consider it important that the person who is my partner has it, in order to maintain a healthy relationship. I need that person to have emotional intelligence. In other words, that they knows how to recognize their own and others’ emotions and has the ability to communicate them to me. Because I tend to overthink things, so it’s important to me that they knows how to verbalize what they felt to avoid jumping to conclusions on my own about how they feels, and at the same time being able to understand what I feel to avoid feeling frustrated because they doesn’t understand what I feel even after explaining in detail how I feel. Another thing I need in a partner is that they take responsibility for their own emotions, as holding others responsible for how their actions made us feel can make the other person feel bad or guilty. So if I found someone who used this sentence: “When (insert person’s action) I felt (insert emotion experienced)”, it probably wouldn’t take long for me to fall in love with that person. There is more, but I think you already have an idea of what I would be attracted to in a person.
Not having kids. I want to go through it with her and I want my kids.
Non-performative kindness. When someone will simply help others because it’s the right thing to do, without caring who’s watching or what others might think of the action. People who act in this way usually have their priorities in the right order for me to be compatible with them.
Pulse is pretty big for me
Accountability. Humility. Humor. Top 3. I guess accountability and humility go hand in hand – have to be humble to even recognize that you (and everyone else) have faults. But. You can have one without the other also. That’s not what I am looking for tho.
If he can’t be humble enough to admit his faults and mistakes then its a no-go. Also if he can’t make me laugh… Zzzzzzz
All that said, if the chemistry isn’t there… Next!
If I have to pick one thing, it is respecting ny boundaries I have some weird personal boundaries that you can’t cross, otherwise I will get turned off or get the ick
Cliche as it sounds, kindness
do they actually care about me or do they just want attention
Financial
Decency.
It over-rules every other trait, because without it you’re going to be miserable or get hurt. Doesn’t matter what other characteristics you want, or get, if the person isn’t decent (kind, thoughtful, respectful, honest), it’s going to go bad.
A genuine down to earth confidence.
Emotional maturity. I look if a person is able to communicate his needs and his wants to me. If he is able to say that this hurts/I don’t like this/I need my space/ and etc. Being in tune with your emotional side just makes me want to be w that person, because I know that he will be able to understand my needs too and won’t ignore them or shame them.
For example, I really value me-time. I sometimes just want to be with myself and don’t talk w anyone. I had so many people be so confused when I tell them that and then they’d take it personally and say “oh, is it because you just don’t like me/don’t want to hang out w me?” No. I just need my space.
So, emotionally mature person. Very very important quality that I value and look for always❤️
1) How the person talks and treats his parents. If you want to know how they will treat you – just listen the way they talk about/with their parents.
2) How they treat waiters or other stuff. I believe that a good person will never be rude with stuff and will be always appreciate others’ job. Even if somebody made a mistake.
3) What they say about their ex. This is veeeeeery demonstrative moment. The way you talk about people who left your life in any reason but who you used to feel good with – can say A LOT.
This is my way how to check some points on first dates.
common interests and intentions i guess
If I were to start dating again, I’d start by looking for someone who respects women as equals.
Equals meaning, we each have a say in the relationship.
High openness to experience.
Less ambition is tolerable. Not being kind to everyone, especially if someone has done something stupid, reckless, or mean is OK. Closed-minded ness is a deal breaker.
Compatibility in the long run. I dont want kids, i want good money to save for future vacay and food. I love animals. Understand me.
Integrity and authenticity, someone who’s words and actions align. This is for everything from what they like, how they are as a person, their values. I’ve met so many men who talk a good talk but their actions don’t follow suit . I think many of them genuinely want to be what they say they are, but aren’t actually like that. Genuinely kind and communicative, easy to understand. Otherwise good energy and makes me feel peaceful and safe.
Looks, confidence, security, a sense of interest in others that’s deeper than the superficial, a desire to do some good in the world and the ability to make me laugh. An “I can do that” mentality. They might not stay forever, but in my estimation, it’s a lot more compatible for me to look for guys like this.
Looks less than the other things.
Opinions on the “big issues” in life.
For instance opinions on marriage and children. But also smaller things like opinions on guns, abortions, religion, etc etc.
How respectfully (and kindly) they treat me and people that they love. Like one thing that attracted me to my SO was seeing how much he went out of his way to care for and accommodate his chronically ill Mom. He can come off as not emotional but he would drop everything in a second bc she went off on her own when she shouldn’t (because she might faint/be unable to go back home on her own) and then go around and entertain her wims like going through stores or getting coffee because he also understands how frustrating it must be for her to be able to do so little normally. Honestly seeing all that and them interact really made me swoon hard. He’s such a sweetheart.
I just want a girl who enjoys the simple things in life like going for walks or hitting up the local museum or any kind of local event. Not a party guy but love adventures.
Kindness. If people remembered to ask themselves: “Is this a kind person?” a lot of dating troubles could be avoided.
Values/morals. For instance, one guy I dated couldn’t wrap his mind around why someone would volunteer to mentor a child because, an hour of his time is worth $ and he’s not getting anything out of spending time with a kid. And any activity (eg fishing) he’d do with a kid would compromise his performance in said activity.
1. Good attitude. Meaning nice, positive outlook on life and caring towards others
2. Emotional intelligence
3. Sexual compatibility
4. Intellectual compatibility
5. Shared interests
6. Desire to try new things
Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you have the same long term goals and values? Do they do the right thing when it doesn’t benefit them and no one is watching? How do they treat their parents/food servers? Do they communicate well? Do you enjoy spending your time together the same way?
Self sufficient. Too old to be dating a project or someone who doesn’t have their life in order.
Has all their anatomical parts that mostly function.
The ability to talk about my own issues and seek advice without either being brushed off or mocked because men are “supposed to be” fucking bricks when something bad happens. Being able to show emotional weakness to someone is actually a sign someone is a pretty stable person, because they aren’t bottling up whatever’s on their mind
Being straightforward/open with how they feel and independence
For me its honesty/ loyalty, if they dont have many friends but the friends they have are close, and they have healthy relationships… 100% a go for me. This may seem a bit odd, and like it might apply to most people but if you keep your eyes and ears open id wager the vast majority of people both will think themselves nice people and a good friend, while simultaneously talking shit about their friends while they arent around or will vall everyone, regardless of intimacy a “friend”. For a long time i fell into the latter camp, i rarely date but when i do its because i see a future with the person and consider them a good friend. Remember guys, if you feel the need to date before being friends, communicate how much you like then yes, but maybe be patient, of youd be a good relationship enough time together woll prove it to both of you. Be honest, be loyal, and guaranteed yall will be closer than most imho.
Respectful and considerate. Seems minor but encompasses how the person interacts with waiters, valet, servers, and even how they interact with me. Apologizing for being late, offering to split, etc.
I look for people who are positive/optimistic versus someone that spends all of their time complaining about everything.
Patience is a very important quality for me, I’m a pretty laid back person.
Kindness…and hygiene lol
1: they’re really into me, and 2: they don’t have a tendency to lose attraction when I make myself available.
Those are the first things I look for just to get in the door. Once we’ve been spending time together I need their respect and high amounts of faithfulness to keep wanting to be with them.
Everything else besides those things is negotiable.