How do I regain confidence
My (23) fiance (27) has always been enthusiastic about becoming fit together as we are both somewhat out of shape. For our BMIs he is in the obesity category and I am overweight (bmi is an outdated tool but anyways). I’ve lost over 30 lbs in the last 1-2 years and am still wanting to lose weight however I deal with a lot of anxiety and self hate around my body. I have explained to him in the past how mentioning exercise frequently or getting fit all the time somewhat triggers me unless it’s my own idea or want to begin with, as I feel he wants me to subconsciously lose weight or thinks I’m fat. We finally had an argument the other day as I found messages of him venting to his female fitness coach friend about how I blame others and make excuses. Worse, he mentioned how I have given up my goal of losing weight to become 145 lbs (my original goal). I was heart broken and betrayed but was semi at fault as I was the one who snooped. I out right asked him if he wanted me to lose weight, he fought me and fought me but finally said yes. He later elaborated and said how he grew up in an active household and health is very important to him and that’s more so what he meant, however the admission I coerced is still haunting me. I’ve been the lowest confidence I’ve been in a long time, and a lack of sex we’ve been having recently isn’t helping. He says he loves me and there’s nothing that can change that but I now harbour a resentment now that I don’t know what to do with. I feel like I’m not enough, I feel like he would like me better if I was smaller and fitter. I feel like I want to run away from everything. I don’t know what to do as I don’t want to keep getting emotional and fighting. Please help
TL;DR Partner stated they want me to lose weight and now it’s causing me to be depressed.