We’ll be married for 4 years on Thursday. My husband has been fired from every job he has ever had except one. I’ve stuck with him through it all. Last week I quit my job due to a hostile work environment. This week, my husband gets fired for knocking his boss’ phone out of his hand while the boss was taking pictures of him not doing his job. I was absolutely livid but I think I do a pretty good job with not speaking or acting out of my emotions.

I think the first thing I said to him when he called to tell me was “I don’t know what to say”. He immediately goes into this depression-type talk and says he doesn’t want to come home. He says he doesn’t want to be married anymore and that he wants to go back to be with his family a few cities over. I explain to him that he’s feeling very low but that we can go home tonight and talk/work through this. He insists we can’t. He says he wants to be alone to work on himself.

We get off the phone and he texts me these same sentiments. I finally stop trying to change his mind and tell him I respect his decision and that I still love him, etc. He immediately says nvm and says he’ll come home tonight. At this point, I didn’t know the whole story to why he was fired. I texted him and he told me. I didn’t respond because I didn’t want to say something I’d regret just because of how furious I was.

When I get home, he’s seemingly sleep in the bed and I ask him if he can get up so I can fix the sheet so I can lay down too. He gets up and lays on the ground to sleep down there. I then ask him a question about why he got fired and he immediately shuts down. Says he’s done talking about it. I tell him that I understand he probably doesn’t feel like talking about it now, but that it’s important we talk about it eventually so we can know how to work through it. He is adamant that he is over the situation and does not want to talk about it ever again.

Admittedly, I lose my crap. Because as much as I was already annoyed that he’d lost his job for ASSAULT after I’d already quit mine, I was more pissed that he refused to communicate with me about it and made it clear he never had any intentions to. I told him we could work through him losing his job but I don’t see how we can work through him refusing to communicate.

He packed his stuff and went to his mom’s house. I took a nap, woke up, and he had deleted all of our photos on Facebook, changed his relationship status to “single”, and blocked my number.

EDIT: The title should say “My (23f) husband (24m)…”

31 comments

  4. Wow 😳

    Deleting the photos and changing your Facebook status is one way to tell your wife you wanted to divorce I guess.

  5. Woah this insane. He seems VERY unhinged and immature. You guys are literally married and this is how he acts??!!! You should consider this a sign and take all of his stuff and leave it by the front of the door. He doesn’t deserve you. You are calmly trying to get him to talk to you and he goes full on crazy. Its ridiculous and you deserve someone better

  6. He wants to be single. So make it happen.

    Relationships only work when both parties put in the effort to make it work, and from your post, he doesn’t seem that interested in making it work.

    He smacked the phone out of his boss’s hand because his boss was taking a photo of him not working during working hrs?
    Is that really someone you want to be with?
    Is this the values you wish to teach to your kids?

    Best to cut your losses and move on.

    All the best

  7. Sounds like you dodged a bullet and some horrible years. Be happy your 23 and can find someone betterz

  8. So many red flare but one flag is that hes baiting you and testing you with his “I wanna leave and be single” and only changing his tune when you dont respond the way he wants.

    That is a manipulative mind game and a hallmark of a mentally unstable, or extremely immature person.

    It sounds like your his therapist, or his mother from the way you wriite. Hes clearly not mature enough for marriage and you should let him go.

    Whether he blocked you because he really wants no contact or its another bait/test doesnt matter, thats a person who needs to be let go of.

  9. I’m sorry this is happening.

    Sometimes when we are really overwhelmed it seems impossible to be able to face the thing that is overwhelming us at the moment.

    I do think he over reacted. But also, he may have felt continued pressure to talk when he had already communicated he didn’t want to anymore. He knows you guys are going to have to talk about it more already, it’s why he was currently shutting down, reminding him of the need to talk later might have pushed him over the edge.

    I totally empathize with your position and also would have had a hard time fighting the temptation to push for a glimpse of resolution I wanted in the moment.

    Hopefully when he calms down a bit he will resurface and you guys can build from there.

  10. Umm, is your husband 24 or 14?

    You may be better off long term in looking at getting a divorce and moving onto someone who is a bit more mature. That he has problems is there for all to see – blind freddy could see he has issues – however if his attitude is to just cut and run, then there is nothing you can do.

    Let him have his temper tantrum and hopefully he enjoys his pity party, but in all seriousness you have very little to lose by him walking out on your life.

    And this is why you don’t get married at 19 and 20. It’s a ridiculous age to get married at.

  11. He’s either unwilling to or incapable of regulating his behaviour well enough to keep down a job or be in a relationship. Start divorce proceedings.

  13. Lock up your credit and bank accounts.
    Change the locks and security at your home.

    Any communication going forward is written only.

    Talk to a lawyer.
    Don’t look back.

  15. One silver lining is that usually leaving a violent spouse can be difficult and dangerous, but because he has left you, it’s saved you a lot of risk.

  16. Knocking a phone out of someone’s hand is assault?

    He sounds like a waster. How do people end up married to such losers?

  18. Sounds like the trash took itself out. File for divorce and move on, love. No man who loves you would do you like that. Also, I agree with the therapy recommendations, it’d do you good. Good luck op!

  21. Don’t let the door hit him on his way out. Please get a divorce and a therapist. I hope you are free of him soon and find a job that isn’t toxic, you deserve at least one space that isn’t toxic.

  22. Sorry you’re dealing with this, but let me keep this short:

    good riddance.

  23. In all honesty I don’t see how him leaving could be any worse than having him around

  24. >He packed his stuff and went to his mom’s house. I took a nap, woke up, and he had deleted all of our photos on Facebook, changed his relationship status to “single”, and blocked my number.

    Sounds pretty on brand for this guy. I’m surprised you stuck around long enough to watch him get fired that many times.

  25. Get divorced. You don’t want to put up with this anymore. You are very young. If you can move to your parents or grandparents, do that, get a job, save money; maybe look into trade schools.

  26. People say you shouldn’t use job/money as a factor when assessing partners, and that’s highly debatable.

    But one thing that should stand out is that if he can’t even commit in the short term to a job then he’ll probably never commit to a real marriage.

  27. Embarrassing man child, incapable of holding down a single job, nor willing to communicate to his supposed partner.

    You’ll find better, good luck.

  28. OP sorry to say it but 50% of your problem just walked itself out of your life, the other 50% is to find a job, a lawyer and your smile.

  31. >This week, my husband gets fired for knocking his boss’ phone out of his hand while the boss was taking pictures of him not doing his job.

    That sounds like the shittiest boss in the world I want to point out.

    Like seriously trash.

    Like sure smacking the phone isnt a good idea, but it seems mildly weird to me, you leave for a hostile environment which is perfectly understandable, but he leaves and its “he has a history”.

    From your description he sounds in need of some real metal healthcare, which knowing the situation in the US he might have to settle to getting from his family, and he might have realized that.

    It also feels like there is so much about this relationship that is missing from this post.

    How is the relationship otherwise? I don’t know why someone would feel the need to leave like that.

    Regardless it might be a decent idea to have a clean seperation.

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like