Husband (28) of 10 years has been complaining about my weight for 2 years. He has expressed that he is no longer attracted me as much as he used to be. He says that he is also concerned about my (28 f) health. Several health issues run in my family like diabetes, kidney disease, high blood pleasure, and heart disease. I lost a bunch of weight in 2019 but I gained it back plus 50 additional pounds since then. I also have anxiety. My husband was also overweight but he has lost it, and is muscular now. He likes to mention how attractive he is and how women check him out. He also talks about how much money he plans to make. He currently makes more income than me but does not currently work. He is also 6ft tall, has a full beard. We live in a small town and he is one of the more attractive men in the area. I think he is so haughty because he was a scrawny nerd as a kid.
He has ample time to go to the gym. I work 8-5 Monday through Friday. I have two sickly parents, and we have 3 kids between the ages of 6-9 years old. My husband rarely cleans our house, and most of the housework just doesn’t get done despite my efforts. He is actively studying for his PTA license.
Im very conscious about my health and l’m working with my doctor on my weightless. I have tried and failed to successfully lose weight over the course of the last year. I would get serious about it and not see results and get discouraged and stopped repeatedly. My husband has also made my children self conscious about their weight.
He complains that I don’t hear him out when he wants to express his feelings about my weight. Which is true. I used to listen until he would bring my appearance into the conversation. Now I just don’t want to hear it. Today he said that if I don’t lose the weight he would leave me.
Not sure how I should proceed. I love him but the feeling is not romantically reciprocated.
Update: I’m an only child. My father is legally blind and my mother has limited mobility due to nerve damage in her feet. They both have several health conditions. They don’t have the best diets and they tend to over feed my kids.
Also, I was referred to a dietitian several months ago and I do calorie count. My husband eats whatever he wants and recommends that we eat out a-lot. My husband works out 3-4 hours at a time nearly everyday of the week. He struggles with smoking and drinking. He can quit for a few weeks at a time but has not stuck with it long term. He is currently about a week into being sober. He is a veteran and receives military disability, which is how he makes more than me. I make 65k a year. I work in HR and part time as my dads care taker.
We have tried couples counseling before (his idea), but he felt like the therapist took my side to much and we stopped going.