Some background on me: I do have some sexual trauma. When I was 15 I was groomed by a 22 year old, he was frequently shaming me about body hair, said it was disgusting for women to have pubes and even blonde leg hair. Anyway, I would say I am mostly over that experience and have gone to therapy. Also said that going down on women is “so gross” and that he would never do it but expected me to do whatever he wanted even if I wasn’t comfortable. It was mostly online though so I was able to safely get away.
My second bf said that when women get wet, they just smell and taste unpleasant to him which he said he has been like that with all women, but obviously that made me feel like shit and terrified of anyone going down on me. Both these guys were like “hey I think you came!” after doing nothing for me and not listening when I ask for something.
Currently, I have been with the same guy (A) for 4 years and we want to move in together pretty soon. He is amazing, makes me feel gorgeous, doesn’t give a shit if I have some leg hair and wear shorts in the house, etc. We are very comfortable with each other and he wants to eat me out sometimes. He has said that my smell when I’m aroused turns him on a lot and that really improved my confidence. So now, my issue is that I have a small clit and I am worried he would be down there forever or that I’d be too anxious to finish.
Most of our relationship has been long distance but we have had month long visits a few times a year. We usually have sex at least once or twice a day when we’re together. Given my past, I have never orgasmed with a partner. I have gotten very close with A before, if I touch myself while we are having sex. I think my issue is I worry about taking too long to cum. Do any other women *have to* masturbate first if you want to finish during sex? I feel like I am physically aroused frequently, and even just spooning with my ass against him in bed can turn me on enough to want sex, but for me to be ready to orgasm shortly without masturbating first, that rarely happens and he is usually tired or something when I want to have sex. He has told me before to start kissing him or rub my ass on him when he says no, and I’m getting better but I usually take it at face value and stop if he says he’s not in the mood. I can masturbate 3 times a day easy, but orgasming during sex is hard to me and I don’t get why. I was not attracted to my exes at all, but A is the most gorgeous man I have ever seen in my life and he talks dirty in a way I love, so I don’t get what my problem is. Help.