My boyfriend told me he wanted me to lose 30 pounds a couple months ago. I’m 180 pounds and I know I’m not the healthiest and I’m working on becoming healthier. But since then I have had some looming feelings of resentment towards him. The way he approached the topic was insensitive and tactless and really hurt me the way he said it. He basically was really aggressive and asked me how I would do it and in what time frame. It was just bizarre the way he approached it. I’ve tried to get over it but it’s still something that picks at my heart from time to time.
In addition, he has a tendency to look at sexy/vulgar pictures of women on Instagram. I’ve addressed it and asked him why he does it and he said “it’s just good to look at”. He said he would stop but got mad at me when I brought it up. It just makes me feel insecure sometimes. Knowing that he looks at these perfect bodies of women on Instagram. I’m not sure if he has stopped but it just makes me feel like shit. Like how can you say/do something like that to your girlfriend? I love him a lot and he cares for me in many ways but I’m not sure if I want to be with a man that does these things and speaks to me insensitively sometimes. He’s not a bad person but I’m just having a hard time moving past some stuff. The whole weight thing really bothers me because he met me this way and now he wants me to lose weight but I haven’t gained any weight over the course of our relationship. Why date me if you had issues with my weight from the beginning? Maybe it’s a control thing idk. Just feeling confused and stuck.
27 comments
Yeaaah. I’d let him know he was more than welcome to find a woman whose size bothered him less and I’d even help him pack his shit. But I’m old and I don’t put up with assholes voluntarily.
My ex gained ~20 pounds when we were together in the first few months. I found it a bit unsettling just that he was eating a lot more, but still found him sexy and never told him he needed to lose weight. It is rude, you’re completely right. I never told him because 1) I still found him attractive and 2) I knew he’d be hurt. I honestly kind of just overlooked it or didn’t notice his weight gain. The second point is most important. Like who is he to tell you you need to lose weight? that’s toxic af
He’s just trying to control you. That’s also why he dates women that are 10 years younger.
Idk how to react to what your bf said. But in general I’ll give you the overall perspective and tips of losing weight from a personal trainer who has helped hundreds of people.
Being overweight is unhealthy. But losing weight is really really hard. 30lbs, losing it relatively safe equals around a 1-2 per week which could span 30 weeks to 15 weeks. Being dedicated for that long of time takes some serious will power. I hope you realize how hard it is not because I want to destroy your motivation but because every step you make is overcoming a giant barrier and should be applauded for even losing one lb. These our accomplishments.
Exercise- weight lift
Diet- don’t fall victim to a fad diet. Pay attention to what your eating and document your macros. I suggest eating .8-1 gram of protien a day and depending on your exercise cutting carbs relatively low.
I’d tell him he’s right, that you do need to lose weight. About, what, 180? 200lbs? Whatever he weighs. Then kick him and his shit the f*ck outta your life and find yourself someone who treats you like the queen you are.
Leave him now that you still can!!
It seems like his purpose is to lower your self esteem and once he accomplishes that, he is going to be able to control you.
Dump him. He is dating someone a decade younger so that he can be disrespectful and controlling.
a big age gap isn’t inherently wrong, but when they try to control you with the power dynamic it is not good.
Since he met you with this weight of yours he cannot expect you to lose weight and being insensitive about telling you that he wants you to lose weight is a red flag in relationship. It is time for you to call him out on this and be clear to him how this is something you are not able to get past so you need time to rethink on your relationship with him. If he is not happy with you for any reason then he can find a new woman of his choice as you are not a person he should take for granted.
You keep reminding yourself that you deserve a better man and treatment and never be ashamed of your body as that is the only body you will ever get. You can put your best efforts to lose weight as that is good for you to be healthier but this is not a way for him to express his feelings about your weight so you put your foot down and do not hesitate to make this as a deal breaker thing.
There is 2 things here. Firstly because of the age difference combined with the seeming need to control you, I feel he’s only in this relationship to “own” you. As yes 10 year age differences are not that common, sometimes you cannot control who you fall in love with. My girlfriend is 10 years my junior, we accept we are starting in different stages in our life. But we’ve grown to accept each others faults and quirks. Your partner should be your friend, not like your child.. and age difference relationships sometimes turn into that.
Unless he is genuinely concerned about your, like you are morbidly obese and you are in major health danger, I’d say he needs to have a nice cup of shut the fuck up. Girl, you deserve better. Dump his worthless ass.
Get a better BF!!!
Dude, what’s with the age gap?
The only weight you need to lose is him since he’s the deadweight holding you back. There’s a a reason no one his age will date him, and you should find someone who genuinely loves you and cares about you
Lose 200lbs. Dump the bf.
Controlling … Next
What is with all these relationship post about a woman in her 20s, dating a man who is at least 8 or 10 years older and they’re wondering what’s wrong with the relationship.
Your boyfriend is a bully. And he chose you because he thinks he can mold you into the type of girl he wants, not for who you are.
The minute i saw the age difference I knew it was a mess. Even I like older men but I know it’s probably a bad idea realistically lol. You wanna know why he said it so insensitively? Cause he figures you’re young and he’s got you and it’ll be easy peasy lemon squeezy to mold you into the “perfect” woman who listens and let’s him do whatever he wants. Big mistake dating him babe. Get out while you still can!
Tell him goodbye. If you’re too fat for him, he can go find someone else instead of bullying you about your weight. I don’t understand why men date women who are not their type. Also a lot of IG models use filters and heavily edit their photos. Not to say that they don’t look good in person, but a lot of photos on the Internet are not their reality. He’s gazing at a goddamn fantasy and maybe he’ll wake up when you dump him because you are a person with feelings.
Shaming your body while ogling other women’s bodies online, what a guy! He likely knows that a 34 year old woman would tell him to fuck off. You should too.
OP tell him you found the best way to lose dead weight. Break up with a douche bag like him!
I mean I’m also a woman (21) and wouldn’t mind. If I’m gaining weight or overweight, damn well tell me. I’m not fragile.
But I get not everyone’s like that. My lil sis is super sensitive too.
Not something I would be like “We’re done!” However if he’s also overweight and out of shape and not working on it then yes I’d leave. I just don’t tolerate hypocrites.
Why would you want to move past this? I think you need to listen to your heart a little, it is trying to warn you. It sounds to me like he really doesn’t respect you. It sounds to me like you need to tell him how he is making you feel and if it continues let him go chase those other women.
You don’t deserve this at all. He’s the twisted one for believing images on the internet are a proper representation of women’s bodies.
I’d let this one back in the sea
Dump him dude. He doesn’t deserve you
Well there’s something about you that he definitely finds flattering… the thing is he probably isn’t the best communicator and doesn’t know how to express his emotions/ desires in a healthy way. The thing about the weight can be damaging to your relationship, but I wouldn’t let it get to your head. The real question is, do you want to lose weight? If you’re just playing out this desire to please your partner then you’re going to resent losing weight anyways. But if you’re doing this in an effort to better yourself, it doesn’t matter what your partner thinks.