I know this is long so I want to thank you all in advance as it truly would mean a lot to get your input,
I question if my relationship is even worth saving anymore, honestly most people would say it’s not, but I don’t even know where to start if I wanted to try. My girlfriend of four years has been going through all kinds of trouble lately, about a week ago her mother crashed into someone’s parked car and drove through their yard as she was drinking and driving, her mom has a bad history of drinking stopped for awhile but has been picking it up lately and this was just the cherry on top of that situation. About a month ago that she was denied acceptance into nursing school. And she has not been happy with herself and just kinda been depressed the past month or two. A lot of small little things have been building up with her as well.
I understand she’s been going through tough times and is very torn apart with her mental health so I’ve been very forgiving, but while all of this has been going on over the past month we have been arguing. She said she wants to be done for good after one of the arguments, I told her we don’t need to make irrational decisions because of everything going on and you can’t expect change when you haven’t really been giving any effort into this relationship for the past month or two, I’ve been changing but you haven’t. She agreed for the most part, we spent about a week apart just to mentally reset ourselves, we’ve never done anything like this before and I regret it. She came back swearing she never wants to get back together and saying that having a week to herself helped her realize what she’s worth.
Now obviously the arguments have gotten worse overtime with that happening, she stays around and speaks to me and still follows most of our boundaries as if we are together, but then refuses to see me in person and will say the most out of pocket and hurtful things when we do argue. To that of which she never apologizes for, just says, you know I say things I don’t mean when I’m mad. But when she is repeating them and saying such horrendous things, I question it and I struggle to forgive her. She also claims I never did enough for her in our relationship but that is purely taken for granted I would always drop her off random goodies when she felt bad, I’d always take her on intimate dates, we’d always be doing something fun on the weekends and getting along great and I have the best possible relationship you could ask for with her family. I think most of it stems from social media and having expectations that are unreasonable, I’d say I actually go pretty far beyond most women’s expectations and do most of the things she sees on social media, but when I used to do these things she’d nearly cry, now when I do these things it’s just meeting expectations. There is no real way to blow her away or go above her expectations anymore. I understand most of her concerns but this one I do not and it’s the second largest factor in most our issues I believe.
With that being said, she has been inching slowly back to her normal self, kinda furthering my belief she is just in a bad space mentally and we have been together four years so it’s just a bad phase we will get through.,
She finally apologized on her own recently, and has been much more respectful, however for every few days that we are good, it seems like another argument is just waiting to happen. Tonight after we had the best week we’ve had in a long time she pretty much blocked me on everything and said she can’t stay around anymore like she has been and saying she wants to be done and ending contact is best. this coming two days after we had a good conversation about what we can do to solve our problems and get back to normal since we’ve been doing well together, and having the best week we have had n awhile as I mentioned.
Keep in mind we still have not physically seen eachother in a month and probably not had any intimacy at all or sex in a month and a half. I think that’s the largest problem with us, I can’t expect us to love eachother when all we do is argue and we don’t even see eachother to at least have a hug. I feel like she’s lost who I am and now just sees me as an enemy since we haven’t seen eachother in so long. We finally agreed to seeing eachother this weekend but now she has blocked me.
My question is, am I valid to feel that in a month this might all blow over and honestly just having some intimate moments will fix us, or am I wasting my time by considering to wait around another month and just ruining the respect and pride of myself by letting her do what she is doing to me? I don’t want to end a four year relationship where we both were extremely happy over a random two month that we probably will forget about entirely, but I question if it’s really just a phase and what I should do to fix this. My solution honestly is to just see eachother as if things are normal but she refuses and keeps saying we just aren’t at that point yet. I think sex really would be the best thing for us on top of that as well. Of course we have had arguments before but usually in the end we are respectful and figure things out, this has been nothing like that though. I wonder if giving her another week to reset would help us as I figure the arguments are not helping her mental health at all and only digging this whole deeper, but as I said I regretted that last time and I don’t want her coming back with a even more arrogant and entitled attitude like last time. It’s been a struggle and I’ve been finding it hard to even say I love her, but I do truly love her and I want to fix it.I’m just looking for any insight on how to fix this situation? what can I do to convince her to hangout for even one day? thank you again guys