Hi! I would love to hear any of your advice regarding this. For background, I grew up as a people pleaser, introvert (so i usually gravitated towards friends who were outgoing and extroverted. though i wouldn’t say i dont have my own extroversion it’s just most of the time introversion feels more natural to me), i believe i’d categorize myself back then as the “nice girl” that feels like i’m a pushover in a way when people only describe me as “good”, I also lift my friends up in my head to the point that whenever i do i pull myself down. So yeah socially i’ve learned to shrink myself as you can see by now. I know i’m introverted but my friendships with my extroverted friends started to make me feel like a sidekick and i don’t want to feel that anymore.
Recently, I’m trying to comprehend what it means to compete (healthy vs unhealthy). I’ve avoid competing or if i have the urge to compete i try to resist it. However, today i feel like i want to explore how i feel if i actually join something i love in competition to a friend. Is it worth exploring embracing competition in this manner but keeping in mind i’m still my main competition? Will embracing competition help me overcome shrinking myself? I kinda see this attempt as an uncomfortable step out of my comfort zone. Uncomfortable because i’m not used to going for things to compete and sometimes resist it because i’m scared. Also this friend of mine is good person but i don’t feel confident when i’m around her. I was convinced before that she is perfect putting her on a pedestal and i wonder that maybe part of me put myself in that position of shrinking myself and not giving my best. I’m tired feeling like that anymore.