My partner and I have been together for over a year and have a wonderful relationship. They are everything I have imagined in a partner and so, SO much more. They used to walk nearly an hour to pick me up from a station to carry my bag as it hurts my back. That’s the kind of dream I live with having this partner! We have our own idea of romance, dancing together a lot, being ridiculous and goofy and just ended everything with laughter and fun. We communicate and I’m working on that to make us even stronger. Overall, it’s a great, loving, romantic connection far beyond anything I imagined.
The problem comes with a recent discussion. They mentioned that sex is romantic to them, that such a level of intimacy and trust is the ultimate romantic act. Whilst I would love to understand and agree, I have always found romantic sex to be a confusing and odd concept. Any other time, hearing the person I love say my name or say they love me will make my heart race, but it catches me off guard and confuses me during sex. I’d go as far as to say hearing my name or “I love you” during sex is actually a turn off. Without wanting to sound cold, it absolutely matters about liking and trusting the person I’m having sex with, but it’s physical satisfaction and I find no aspect of romance in it. I’ve always been into kink and so the connection and intimate ability to give them your vulnerability needs to be there, but it doesn’t have to feel loving to feel like good sex.
I tried it a bit one time, matching my breathing to theirs and holding them close and caressing throughout the pleasure and generally just being more loving than I usually act in sex, and it had a great outcome on me but felt quite unnatural.
Recently I’ve thought about this a lot and found myself wanting to try romantic sex. I know it means a lot to them to feel that connection in the moment and know that the person they trust, the only person they want to be so vulnerable with, is giving them that romantic atmosphere they want. They have never complained or even mentioned wanting me to be more romantic in sex, but I want to try it for them, but also to see if it’s something that would feel as special to me as they describe it feeling to them.
Also, I should mentioned before someone suggests music, they have told me about finding music distracting.
Does anyone have any ideas of how to bring in romantic aspects without the cheesiness of rose petals and candles? Thank you in advance