Context: my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We just welcomed our first child a few months ago, and I know that has put a pause on our previously very active sex lives. We are both kinky but obviously having a newborn to take care of puts things like that on the back burner!
Last night my boyfriend asked me to set an alarm for him on his phone since he was already half asleep. He has the patreon app next to his alarm app, and I misclicked and was met with images of pregnancy and breastfeeding fetish art. Shocked, I immediately closed the app, set his alarm like he asked, and didn’t say anything, but I am mildly horrified and sad.
I knew he was into large breasts previously, and he had mentioned lactation being a fetish of his but I told him it wasn’t something that I was necessarily super into and we moved on from it without any problems. It’s different now that I’m postpartum and also exclusively breastfeeding our baby. I’ve let my boyfriend mess with my breasts while I’ve been lactating despite it making me uncomfortable because I know it’s something that he enjoys and I want to give him that, but after seeing the porn he has saved I don’t think I can continue doing that. He’s vocalized “wishing that my breasts would stay this big forever” and he’s definitely more interested in them now that I’m lactating. Whenever I breastfeed our baby I feel intense shame / anxiety because I feel like I’m being sexualized no matter what. It sucks because my boyfriend is an amazing person, and he has adamantly expressed never wanting to make me uncomfortable, especially with sex because I have previous trauma, I just don’t know how to tell him this and how I feel. I don’t want to shame him for having personal fetishes, but I don’t want to feel sexualized either 🙁
TLDR; my boyfriend has a breastfeeding fetish, which makes me uncomfortable, and I don’t know how to talk to him about it.