Men of reddit, if you could choose an arguably useless superpower, what would you pick?

35 comments

1. making nuggets slightly golden brown.

2. Ability to accomplish nothing

3. The ability to “throw” farts across a room like a ventriloquist does with their voice

4. The ability to know what colour toothbrush people have at home by looking at them

5. I can fly

   Maximum 2 feet high

   1/4 speed of walking pace

   Only on Sundays

   Only if no-one is watching

6. The ability to smell what the Rock is cooking. His food always looks better than mine.

7. I would have the power to increase the amount of salt in beverages. But only the ones that I drink.

8. Cat whisperer

9. The ability to conjour up small change. It’ll be perfect for to pay for the ticket machines in car parks.

10. Ability to sleep anywhere in any position. I cannot sleep lying down on my left side, nor can I fall asleep upright on a chair.

11. The ability to change Coke or Pepsi into RC Cola.

12. Make somebody’s finger nails super brittle.

13. Change the color of other people’s clothes

14. Russia.

15. Ability to understand 1 in 7 words of every language. Would lead to many broken confusing convos.

16. Being able to change my pee colour on will.

17. Summoning a coin of small value from the back of someone’s ear once a day.

    “Enough with the annoying trick now anon”, would they say, but it’s actual magic.

18. Make people sneeze from a distance, but can use it only once a day.

19. The ability to drain 30% off peoples cellphone batteries within six feet of me.

20. The ability to make someone trip on their own feet while walking but not enough to make them fall.

21. Ability to know the right portion size of every dish.

22. The ability to cool hot food to the perfect temperature with one blow.

23. The ability to make anyone feel like a fly is crawling on their face.

24. The ability to breathe underwater but only if it’s in a Chlorine, above ground pool

25. Talking to Fish

26. Knowing the political stance of every snail i see. Not slugs, just snails.

27. The ability to save 15% or more on my car insurance.

    The ability to read lips…but only when someone is swearing.

28. The ability to make my middle fingers much larger for a few moments, so that If I give people the finger, they really feel it.

29. I would always know the date

    On the one hand, this is rarely an issue. On the other, I always feel like an idiot when I fill out forms and ask for the date and someone says it’s the 16th and I have to admit that I’m not sure what month it is.

30. Change the kind of chair someone is sitting on while they’re not paying attention so they stand up and get really confused.

31. I’d like the ground to glow every I walk. Kinda like something out of the Billy Jean video but slicker.

32. Spiderman web slinging, but instead of webbing I would shoot spaghetti.

    Also, never having to wipe your ass regardless of how sloppy that shit you just took was. Asshole is always clean after pooping.

33. The ability to never run out of graphite in my mechanical pencil.

34. The ability to know if coffee filters are in my immediate vicinity, but not know they location.

    I don’t drink coffee.

35. Can talk to squirrels.