tldr: My (27F) best friend (28F) of about \~15 years didn’t put me in her wedding, and I had no idea she even had bridesmaids/a bridal party. I’ve come to terms with the fact that our friendship is not the same as it used to be, but now I’m wondering if I should even go due to the high cost and potential for feeling really hurt seeing her with her bridal party.
When my best friend got engaged, she told me that she didn’t want to do the traditional thing and have a bachelorette or bridesmaids, but it turns out she did have a bachelorette party with her ‘bride tribe’. I’m finding this out 2 weeks before her wedding, which is across the country.
I fully understand that we’ve grown apart over the years and don’t live in the same city anymore, but we text every week and see each other a few times a year. Because of this, I was unfortunately still under the impression that we considered one another to be our lifelong best friend and was completely blindsided when she texted me that she was excited for her bachelorette party this weekend and then posted a picture of her bachelorette party with all of her other friends. I’m realizing that I’ve viewed our friendship differently than she has lately, and though I understand it makes sense to pick the friends that are closest in proximity to her, it still really hurts. I’ll recover from it eventually, but now I’m unsure if I should go to her wedding at this point since things are still refundable.
I was very happy to take off work, board my dog, fly across the country, book a hotel, and rent a car for a best friend, but in total it’ll cost \~$2500, including the black tie attire my partner and I purchased for this wedding alone. For just a friend, I don’t think I would put in anywhere near this much money and effort to go. I can fully picture myself regretting going to her wedding because I’m just a guest and nowhere near as important to her as I thought I was. I also don’t want to burn a bridge by not going and regret not going, but I also fear there isn’t much of a bridge to burn on her end anyway, which kind of sucks. Any advice? Thanks in advance.
Update: Thank you all for the advice, I’ve decided to go to the wedding because I care about her a ton. I fully accept that we’re not as close as we used to be but I still want to be in each others’ lives. I plan to talk to her about it all afterwards so I’m not adding a ton of emotion to what I imagine is a stressful time leading up to her wedding.