For background context on our relationship:
Starting Stages:
We have been together for 3 and a half years and the relationship started off really really great. We met in 2020 during Covid and used to work together at Walmart we would be together all the time we would discuss our future goals together and we both started college as well her doing computer science and me doing cyber securtity and we would design business ideas we wanted to do together in the future as well. everyday was amazing we would hang out basically everyday and have nothing but laughs. I used to come over to her house everyday and we would just hang out and we would also go on amazing dates to resturants, Nba games, rollerskating etc etc.
Problems start to arise:
The gym situation:
Fast forward to late 2022 early 2023 and we would start having arguments about things she would say she would do but never do them. For example before I met her I was extremely extremely passionate about working out and going to the gym. And I would’ve loved for her to start working out with me. So I would ask her and she would say yeah I’ll workout with you so I was like great this is going to be amazing. Now mind you I am the type of person to wake up early in the mornings and she usually sleeps in till like 10-11 am so I took that into account and would wait till she got up or we would agree on a time to go. So what would happen is she would go for a day or two and then she would say she is sore and not want to go anymore but with that she would never bring it up again after the two day rest and kind of just left me to go by myself and I would remind her about it but she would sort of shrug it off and it would make me feel just not motivated to go and it would make me not want to go with her or at all honestly anymore because I didn’t see her being passionate in going. But the main thing is as well she would show me all these workout videos and how she wanted this certain body type and I would tell her how beautiful she is and how she can be a model and she would say but she would need this certain body type and I told her you can do whatever you want in life and you can achieve whatever body type you want we can go to the gym for that. But she would always lack actually going and what would make me mad about it is not the fact that she wouldn’t go because if she geniuenly didn’t want to go I couldn’t fault her for that I would love her the same exact way no matter how she looks because I have so much love for her as a person how she is and the person that I met when I first met her. She is amazing overall and if she doesn’t want to go she could’ve just said she didn’t want to go and I would’ve been okay with it from the jump and never accused her for it.
Dropping out of college:
Around this time as well as we were having these arguments about the gym she also decided to drop out of community college as well. It has been a long time since this happened so I don’t remember her exact reasoning but I just remember that she dropped out about after 2 months of being in and I feel like that has taken a big hit on her as far as her own career progression and what she want’s to do with her life and also I would like to add in that I am very supportive of her dreams anything that she says she wants to do I am the first one to jump on the computer with her to look at options that she has buying any resources that she needs to make sure that she is well prepared. When she wanted to do Computer Science I bought her a year long subscription to CodeAcademy so she can learn as many coding languages as she wants to make sure she is as successful as she can be and that way she is also able to get internships while in college I also created her Linkedin for her as well so she would be able to network with others that are in that field so she can get ahead. After two months I think she just got lazy with the work because she would talk about for months how she liked doing the coding and how she wanted to be a software engineer. She later on about 4-5 months after that stated that she wanted to do what I did and that was CyberSecurity and I explained to her all she would need again bought her resources that would make her 10x more successful updated her resume for her and even taught her everything that I knew as I was a junior at this point in college and learned a lot. She took one class of networking and said it was boring and she gave up on it. Now she would like to do real estate and I am all for it especially with her being young I told her that this is your time to try everything that you want to do because you have the time to do it now. I again was the first to jump on the computer and find resources for her and she is doing studying for the real estate exam now and she plans to take it at the end of this month I hope she everything works out and she does end up going through with it my main concern is based on previous behavior that she doesn’t end up doing this either and moving on to something else.
Our first serious breakup:
So before Feburary of 2023 we would have arguments and they would be arguments over things like trust, her not commiting to her word on certain things like the gym for example not right away but after you lie 5-6 times to me then I would just get fed up in the moment and break up. Following into early Feburary 2023 I went to go visit one of my friends that is a girl that my girlfriend knew about already and this specific friend has been my friend for aboqut 6-7 years before I met my girlfriend. I went to the friends house to drop off some food and just to say hi for a minute. Now mind you my girlfriend would feel some type of way whenever I would go around any of my friends that are girls which wasn’t many maybe 2-3 max? So on that specific day I dropped off the food and I went to the gas station and my girlfriend called me and she was like why would you go to her house? What were you doing? Is she really just a friend? And I am the type of person where I would never ever in a million years cheat on my girlfriend I am totally invested into her and into our future. But at the time I was really fed up and I told her that she is always doing this toxic stuff and that I was tired of it. I told her I would never cheat on her and that I hate having this toxic energy in the air with stuff like this and that I don’t ever want to have these conversations because I would never do anything like that. She proceeded to have an attiude after that saying yeah whatever and that really pissed me off because then I got to thinking that it’s not fair that she can get mad over me being with a friend and just how overall stupid it is. But when I ask her to do certain things for me I don’t get mad and those are things that really matter to me and to the relationship because I am all about building a stronger bond with my girlfriend and really improving the relationship as a whole.
So I got really pissed about that and I told her that this isn’t the first time you said something like this and I think it is toxic and dumb and that I don’t think you see the work I put into this relationship and since that’s the case I don’t really want to be together and I told her I wanted to do a break. But I specified to her that I didn’t want to be together like I do my own thing and you do your own thing. Because I was really really fed up with the toxicity.
So the following week goes by and I was scrolling on facebook and I met this other girl and we talked for a while and I was really liking her vibe and we decided to link and hangout together. We hung out a 2-3 times within that week and then on the next link we had sex. All while during this time my girlfriend that I am on the break with after I told her I wanted to just do my own thing. She would call me not to fix the issue but just to ask what I have been doing. After about another week or two after that I did some thinking to myself and I was like okay maybe we can work this out and really have a conversation about this. So we talked and talked and we worked out the issue. She said she wouldn’t be toxic anymore and she saw my point of view and I was just like thank you and that that’s all I wanted because I do so much for you and on top of that I tell you how special you are to me and I always reassure you I just wouldn’t ever cheat on you.
So after that I told the other girl this isn’t going to workout and I left her alone. Well the other girl got upset with me going back to my ex at the time and she decided to text my ex a picture of us together. My ex at the time then called me crying saying how could I do this and I was planning on doing this the whole time. When in reality on everything I love that wasn’t the case I never thought about this girl a day before two weeks after we decided to call it quits. Then she said that we were done and we could never get back together and all of this. I told her the reason why I started talking to you again is becasue I wanted this to workout I wanted this to workout bad you just kept doing things that were so un-needed I was tired of it. So, she blocked me and changed her number but after a week we got back together after I seen her in person and talked again and I told her I would block the other girl and never talk to her again. Which as of 4/6/2024 I have never talked to that girl again and completely kept my word.
Well after that happened she was extremely hurt about it as she looked at it as I cheated on her. So what she did was she started talking to this other guy while we were actually together and she ended up linking with him and having sex with him. This was in April of 2023 I didn’t find out about him until August of 2023 when I went through her phone one day and seen him in there. When I asked about him she said she didn’t know him as he was under an unsaved number. But I looked his number up online and his address was very close to mine so I knew this wasn’t no random person. Later on as I kept questioning her she gave me little detail by little detail but I had to keep figuring out things on my own.
So we talked about it and she said that she messed with him because she wanted to get revenge on me and was extremely hurt about what I did and I said okay you know what that’s fine I understand but you were messing with this dude for months (April-December 2023) while we were actively together I was posting you and everything? She said she was sorry and she would block the dude. So I was like okay.
From August to December my trust for her went way way down as I would now go through her phone more and more and she would consistnely unblock him, and text him, linking with him and even writing in a notebook about him and everytime I would confront her about it and tell her just how done I am with her she would cry and beg me not to leave and that she is sorry and how she would keep him blocked. (Remember the gym conversation I had earlier in this story you will start to see a pattern) So she would constently lie to me which made my trust for her go completely to zero I wouldn’t believe her or anything. But I wanted which is stupid on my end now that I look back I wanted to believe her especially because we planned on moving out together rather soon.
It would be days we would just argue, argue and argue and instead of her understanding where I would come from she would just want to end the conversation and not talk about it. It was incredibly draining on my end trying to just understand where I went wrong and why she would just lie and lie and lie. Now mind you I was finishing out my degree at this time and it took away a lot of time from my schooling and from me just being able to focus at all even at work. The complete opposite of what I had planned when I first met her as stated above. The final straw with me was when she was with the dude one night and I caught her coming home late so I pulled up and I drove off and as I drove off he was in front of me and he brake checked me completely damaging the front of my car.
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The problem with her very immature and toxic friends:
Another huge problem we have is the issue with her friends. She has two friends who I absolutely do not like and I think are terrible influences on my girlfriend everytime they get together they must drink no matter what they are doing. One of her friends is just in a toxic relationship and I honestly believe leads my girl down the wrong path they never talk about there future or plans all her friend really talks about is boys and drinking. Her other friend who she works with she is kind of the same way when it comes to the drinking they be at work in the back just drinking taking shots and smoking almost everyday. and the bad decisions of to what she makes. She wanted to do real estate as well but never took the exam. I have brought this up to my girl 1000x times that she should really try to get better friends and a better circle around her but she absolutely refuses. Another prime example is when they hang out together and I would call my girlfriend and you can hear them in the back talking about F*** that dude hang up on him and all that stuff. There was also a poster that I gave her 3 years ago when we first started dating and her friends ripped that up and she just doesn’t do anything she says she tells them something but in all reality I don’t think she really does say anything.
Where are we today?
So as of today and let me put this in first so I do not come over to her house anymore in the mornings because her dad is there now since he isn’t working anymore but I used to come over in the mornings every morning to see my girl.
But now since he is home I told my girl that she should come to my house in the mornings so we can spend more time together because I feel like we lack that. She isn’t interested in that she hasn’t done that ever within the last 6-7 months. We are still arguing over things like me telling her to keep all messages she gets from guys because once again my trust is gone and we are trying to rebuild that but she keeps deleting messages not from the same guy but from other guys with her first excuse being she is deleting all messages from Instagram and the other excuse being it was her boss and there isn’t no point in keeping that message even though I told her clearly to keep them all for the sake of you wanting to really work on this.
I just feel like she doesn’t want this anymore and I don’t want to waste her time. She is always busy with work now and I have suggested her getting a different morning job so we can work the same hours and she claims there isn’t a rush but in reality she just wants to be around her friend. She claims real estate is something she will do but I never see her studying for it she has became more of an alcoholic over the past years and has recently gotten a DUI with the same friends I told you about and we don’t see each other as much anymore no where near as close as we used to nor do we do special things like we used to (letters, monthly gifts etc etc)
What is your guys opinions on this? Because I am looking for answers and I really really really want to see us work things out and I love this girl but I am afraid things cannot be saved.
Also, we planned on moving out in May and she just doesn’t talk about it unless I bring it up I came up with the budget and everything and she just doesn’t seem as excited about it.
tl;dr:
Girlfriend and I are going through hard times lots of arguing and I feel as if she isn’t trying to make things better is easily influenced by her friends and doesn’t care about our relationship anymore.