Tom (21M), and I (22F) have been dating for about four months now. Tom hasn’t had much experience in the bedroom. Before me, he was only with one other person, and it was brief. Tom is incredibly shy and struggles with self-esteem, despite my efforts to reassure him of how amazing and attractive he is. He just can’t seem to see himself in the same light.
Our sex life is… okay, I guess. To his credit, he really tries, but he’s just not able to fully satisfy me. I’ve attempted guiding him by sharing what I enjoy and providing feedback in the moment, but this seems to spike his anxiety, he gets super nervous and it makes things less enjoyable for both of us.
However, there was this one night when everything changed. After having a few drinks, Tom became the epitome of confidence, it was like he was a completely different person. He was happy, assertive, took control over the situation, and, honestly, it was the best sex I’ve ever had. I remember thinking it was the most intense orgasm I’ve ever had. It was an incredible experience for us both, and it showed me the potential that’s there.
But, when we tried again sober, it reverted back to the usual, which is just okay. I’ve tried encouraging him to embrace that confident side more, but it feels really forced, like he is acting, and it’s not the same.
I genuinely believe in his potential and want to help him find that confidence without relying on alcohol. Does anyone have advice or techniques for giving your partner more confidence in the bedroom?