I (F24) have been dating my boyfriend (M27) for almost 5 years. Overall, our relationship has been fantastic. We have had insane adventures and travels together, laughed a TON, and have a ton of shared interests. I truly have felt he “gets” me since the day we met, and we loved each other very very deeply. We have rarely fought in our relationship, but when we do, we make up quickly, and the problems never really get resolved, just swept under the rug.
He is the first man in my life I have ever felt totally safe around. This has had a MONUMENTAL impact on my life, my growth and healing. However, I feel a little like we have grown apart because of it. (Don’t get me wrong I have a LOT to work on as well). He is someone who comes from a very stable past, and doesn’t feel the need or desire to work on himself. It’s sort of a running joke amongst me, his family and friends that he is repelled by any sort of conversation around emotion or depth. This makes communicating in conflict extremely hard because I feel he will do anything to avoid emotional intimacy required to really hear each other. He has a very unhealthy relationship with weed, and is often very passive and distant feeling even when he isn’t high. I’ve tried to ask him about weed, finances, and division of domestic labor, and he gets so defensive and upset that we have always just drop the conversation and nothing changes.
I can’t help but feel I’ve grown in a different direction, and don’t know if the connection, love, friendship and shared interests are more important than conflict resolution, both wanting to grow and change, feeling like wecontribute equally to chores, etc. is more important. PLEASE HELP