ED ruining my relationship and mental health, NEED HELP

I’m 25M and have been in a relationship with my partner(24F) for five years. Initially, our physical intimacy was decent ( \~40% times successful PIV ), but when we tried to have sex for the first time, I struggled with maintaining an erection and penetration with condoms, after that it was always without condom. I tried Viagra once and had good penetration but I always felt like pulling out and masturbating. The challenges worsened during lockdown when we were in a long-distance relationship. Anxiety about sexual performance led to further difficulties, and my partner became hesitant about intimacy due to contraceptive concerns.
Now it was 2022, again a year of long distance where she was fully focused in her studies and the relationship was falling apart, we did nothing sexually and no flirting nothing. I was sexually frustrated and anxious, ended up getting into a lot of drinking and smoking. Was masturbating a lot ( okay so I should have mentioned this earlier but I do seem to have a masturbation problem where I compulsively masturbate and do it a lot of times \~4 a day ) , ended up watching a lot of content online and got involved sexually online. 2023 was again the same, a lot drinking, smoking and masturbating to random stuff online which would involve some sort of feargasm. She did come to visit me a couple of times in 2023, but there was no enthusiasm from her side to have sex and get intimate. She would kiss me alright but if I want her to give me a BJ she would say no, she wouldn’t even want to do a lot of foreplay, just a few pecks and makeouts. I did ask her about sex and how we would do it and it concerns me , she said that once we are living together she’d get on Birth Control and it will be alright, she didn’t seem too bothered about it. But I felt a big lack of enthusiasm. Now in 2024, she is finally living with me. She is going to be here for 2 months. It has been a couple of days now, we have made out and cuddled. But she would show no enthusiasm for sex , but it oral or penetrative. I do get good erections and sometimes want to get more into the act, but the lack of enthusiasm is a turn off for me. She would make out with me, get on top while both of us have clothes on, grind on me and then orgasm, that it. Also, there I times where I just lost the erection and felt very weird, but a lot of thoughts about if I’m actually attracted to her or not. I had to download some porn and fap last night as she slept off, I had been abstaining for 10 days since she was coming here. I feel its really not healthy and I need to do something about this. Can someone please guide me ?
PS : I have also visited a few Urologists , I have been told it’s mostly psychological and it would be alright. I have got my bloodwork done, Free Testosterone – 19 pg/mL, Testosterone – 603 ng/dL , FSH – 3.54 mIU/mL, LH – 5.95 mIU/mL Vitamin D is 10.92 ng/mL and TSH is 9.53 ( hypothyroid )
I have grade 3 varicocele as well.
Tl;Dr – Dead bedroom in a relationship, starting a new live-in phase and want to know about the next steps