I’m not complaining because my dad doesn’t wanna pay for the wedding. It’s more that in our culture the father usually pays and he explicitly and many many times has told everyone including my fiances family that he is going to do a crazy wedding for us. He regularly sends them pictures and videos of the crazy stuff he is going to pay for at the wedding. When me and him argue about what he pays me ($600 weekly) working for him, he pretty much tells me shut up I’m paying for your stupid wedding. Most of the time that has won the argument. He knows on my salary I could never pay my own wedding. My car insurance is $400 a month and my health insurance is $300 a month. The truck I drive to do work for him costs in gas $240 a month. I obviously go on dates with my fiancé and I eat out because most of the time I’m on the road so I’m lucky if I’m able to save $1000 a month. An average wedding here is 30-40k. It would take me 3 years to save that. I have saved 20k which is enough for me to move out buy furniture and put a security deposit but I can’t pay for a wedding and move out.
He kept saying we will see I’ll talk to the venue I’ll leave a deposit but he never does anything about it. The guy at the venue gave us a deadline till today or he gives his last date to someone else. My fiances family is getting annoyed and is now insisting we do the wedding overseas for around 3-5k. When I told my dad he got mad and said it would cost the family way more to buy tickets to go there. My fiancé decided to go sit down and talk to him herself. He spent the whole time trying to turn her on me. First he told her I take a lot of “medications and order a lot of pills on amazon”. To which she responded yes he does he orders vitamins he takes daily we share an amazon account. Then he said he carries them around in a pill container. She said yes I ordered that for him because he used to take them on an empty stomach this allows him to take them to work and take them after lunch.
Then he said well you know a few years ago my son made me put a $10,000 deposit for a girl he was engaged to for a wedding so I’m a little hesitant this time. He put $4,000 down (even my siblings who were there vouched for this) and he knows we broke it off because she was cheating on me.
Then she asked him if he ever plans on giving me a raise because $600 a week for someone living on their own is realistically not enough. He walked around the question and said well he is still learning and not doing enough work around here (there’s not enough work business has been dead). She asked if he could help me find another job to which he said he needs me to help him. I’ve been “helping” him the past 10 years. I went from $400 – $500 – $600 weekly and haven’t had a raise in 5 years.
I once got a job for 70k a year and he got so mad he all of a sudden wanted me to pay rent 2k a month to him. Help with taxes $500 monthly. My own car insurance. He also wanted the truck back that be bought me. He knew I had no savings to move out (because of my low pay). And no savings to buy a car.
What bothers me the most is all this time he has been going around telling all our friends and family of this extravagant wedding he has planned for me and my fiancé. Only to now tell me he can no longer pay for it. He says he has no money. He just bought my sister a car for 50k and regularly has bought garbage he says he needs from auctions around 60k this year all just rotting away in his warehouse. Even my mom is telling me she knows he has money.
My fiancé was thinking maybe he doesn’t like her but I’ve caught him so many times telling his friends how amazing she and her family are. I don’t know how to feel about my father. Would I be messed up to just throw a small ceremony and cut him off?
TLDR; my father has been telling everyone for a year how he’s going to throw an extravagant wedding and now is refusing to do anything. In our culture the father of the groom pays. I’m mostly mad that he has told over 300 people about it and still tells them when asked but at home tells us he wont pay. Is it wrong if I do a small ceremony without him don’t invite him and cut him off?