My (F30s) boyfriend (M30s) and I have been together for close to a decade. We recently had a child together. We have an easy baby and we also parent very well together.
I recently found out that he has cheated. A LOT. I have decided to stay. I won’t get into the nitty gritty specifics of it, but it has resulted in no more social media/location always on/visible, I have access to his phone, etc.
We have been working very hard on our relationship which has included couples therapy as well as individual therapy. Things have been improving and I do feel as though he has been honest with me and has not continued his disgusting behavior.
Recently he stated he was going to take me on a surprise date. He was going to pick everything and I would find out as we got to places. I was excited. I expressed my excitement multiple times. He even bought me flowers to which I came home to after work. So I was expecting a special night.
Once the night got started it turned out he was taking me to a place we had been many times. A chain restaurant. Nothing special. It was packed. So we ended up somewhere else. Again, a nowhere special chain. The next surprise was dessert. We went to a place we had been a few times. The next surprise I learned is that I was paying for dessert. I accepted it and went about my evening. It was a fine time.
But the more I think about it, the more upset I get. It feels like zero effort was put into it. Leaving me feeling like I’m not worth the effort. I understand our healing journey will be a long one with good and bad days. I am generally very easy to please and very much go with the flow. And he himself is generally the same way. But since the infidelity I have been restless and craving more. Is it wrong/overly-expectant of me to have expected more effort/thought/creativity be put into a “surprise” date? I have not discussed it with him yet because I don’t know if my disappointment is truly valid.
(If you are going to reply with leave him, please don’t reply. I love him. I’ve made my decision and am trying to improve on my situation and heal. Obviously if I find out anything new, I’m gone. But for now, I’m staying.)
TLDR: bf cheated, we are working it out. Took me on a surprise date that was anything but special making me upset.