TLDR
I (39F) and my husband (35M) never have sex. We’ve been married for several months and maybe had sex 2 or 3 times right after we were first married. For context, we are both born again and decided not to have sex before marriage, but we both have storied pasts with plenty of sexual partners. During the time we were not having sex, though, he wanted it pretty often. But now that it’s free game, he has no interest.
We’ve talked about it a lot, and he seems to think it’s due to his porn addiction (he’s become addicted to variety and the chase), as well as a past relationship that involved a lot of “hate sex.” It is interesting that he wanted it when he couldn’t have it, and he still gets horny and jerks off.
He’s willing to try to resolve it, and has agreed to go to therapy, for which I’m really grateful. I’m just worried that there may be bigger issues, or that therapy won’t be enough and we will just have a sex-less marriage. I’m struggling with it a lot because it makes me feel very undesirable and, not to toot my own horn, but that has NEVER been an issue with past relationships. He has offered to just try to have sex anyway, as well, but I know he really doesn’t want to, so that just feels off-putting.
He tries not to look at porn, and has been pretty good about it overall, but I also feel weird like I’m policing his jerking off or something. We have really open dialogue about it, and we have an amazing relationship in pretty much every other aspect. He’s a wonderful and loving husband, and I genuinely love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him.
I guess I’m wondering if anyone else has ever dealt with this or something similar and, if so, was there a solution? Were you able to resolve it? Or, should I just invest in some really great toys for myself and accept our lack of sex life?