I (25m) started seeing a girl (20F) 2 weeks ago, we’ve been on two dates. The first time, I could tell she was really into me. She said stuff like “you’re really cool/chill, you know that?”, which tbh I get from people soemtimes. Since then it feels like we’ve always been fairly comfortable when we hang out. I could tell she likes me and it’s fun hanging out with her. She invited me to our second date, we went back to her place after going on a walk, with things getting pretty physical at the end of the night (certain things she didn’t wanna do, which I respected). She invited me to stay the night but I had to leave to make sure I got up on time for work.
When trying to schedule for the next time we see each other, she had originally agreed to a day to hang out but I realized I was busy, and upon trying to reschedule, she replied saying I’m really nice and sweet but that just equals disaster and to not ask. Since that’s just how it is. So I’m asking you instead Reddit, what does she mean and is there any recovery? I like this girl and she seemed like she really liked me too.
Tl;dr – Girl I’m seeing seemed to be really into me, but hit me with a “you’re nice and sweet but that equals disaster, don’t ask. That’s how it is I’m sorry”
9 comments
It seems as if she were going off a previous experience or relationship or something . Maybe you rescheduling caused some sort of past experience to resurface
Quite the red flag that is
I have a bit of a tendency to read into things too much, but let’s take some things out of context and see how they add up to her reaction?
>with things getting pretty physical at the end of the night (certain things she didn’t wanna do, which I respected)
>She invited me to stay the night but I had to leave to make sure I got up on time for work
>agreed to a day to hang out but I realized I was busy, and upon trying to reschedule
Seems very much like “we didn’t fuck, so you are not worth the time” vibes. I hope that wasn’t your intention, but I can see where she’s coming from?
The only thing I can think that it means is that she felt like you were putting her on a pedestal. I don’t know her though.
Could there be an off chance it is some sort of insecurity on her side and the disaster comment is not meant in the sense that “relationship with a sweet guy equals disaster”? That does not make sense, anyway.
Wildly speculating here, but maybe she met someone similar to you in the past and instead of being grateful, took advantage of them. Used them, abused them, maybe did not appreciate them and cheated on them. Something along those lines, with her now feeling guilt over it, and maybe knowing herself well enough to see that she would do the same to you.
Again, I am basically making stuff up, but based on what you said, there really is not much to make any better judgment.
If it is not the above, then she may have not meant the words literally, and was just letting you down fairly kindly. Maybe she wants a guy to be assertive and push even through her initial “no” on something, whereas you clearly take a “no”, at least in the physical space, as a clear boundary. The fact she rejected some of your advances of the intimate kind and yet asked you to stay the night, which sounds like an invitation to have sex, might mean this to be true.
Either way, I take her comment as clear rejection of you as her partner, and to answer your question, do not think there is a recovery. But I mean, you lose nothing by trying to keep her, so go for it, if you desire.
Good luck, man.
She fears to fall in love and getting hurt. Basic.
Smells like drama. You’d be better off without it. Some people crave it and thrive on it, personally I find it exhausting.
Drop her and ignore her and I guarantee you she’ll be messaging you again within a week. Then block her.
“She invited me to stay the night but I had to leave to make sure I got up on time for work.”
this is a huge cope, why didn’t you actually stay the night, be honest bro
Sounds like a bad past experience. If she’s not ready, well, you can’t really help that! Not your problem