I’ve (31F) been friends with Person A (28F) for a few years and it’s always been a little rocky at best. We got along pretty well when we lived in the same city, but I never felt like I could fully trust them. We had fun exploring the city, but whenever I met Person A’s friends they only worked in the same industry and always talked badly about each other when the other person wasn’t there, or were highly critical of people around them. Person A did this as well when it was just the two of us, but I mainly excused it as blowing off steam.
Person A’s partner (29M) at the time was also a terrible person, we found out after they split. I should’ve know after he told me I was stupid. However, this split got us a little closer especially after my partner and I moved to a different city. Person A confided in me a bit more after the split and would visit every once in awhile and I would visit them. I thought maybe Person A was starting to open up now that they’re no longer in a bad relationship, but Person A started dating and stopped talking to me as much. I think we were holding on to each other during a time of big transitions. I understood this is what happens, but then Person A’s friends started to repeat things back to me that I told them either in confidence or it referred to something I did around Person A and they HAD to share their opinion on it. I started to mentally and emotionally put myself in more friendly acquaintance category right before the pandemic happened.
However, my partner slowly started to become good friends with Person A’s new partner (36M) after they met. They completely hit it off and this person is great. Because of this, we decided to do a weekly zoom chat throughout the pandemic and I’m just not as invested in it. I feel shitty after most zoom calls with them and don’t feel like I’m getting a lot out of it other than human interaction as a group versus just with one other person.
I constantly feel like I’m not meeting Person A’s expectations and started to clam up or disengage from the conversations when I’m not in the mood. I fully understand I’m not making this scenario better, but I’ve tried talking to Person A about this separately and they’re either not interested, or if I bring up anything negative about anything personal, Person A starts crying.
I’ve talked to my partner about it and he understands to a certain extent, but doesn’t fully understand why I can’t trust Person A. He loves the zoom calls because the three of them have a lot more in common and a bit of an extrovert. My partner also has become great friends with Person A’s partner.
They’re not our only couple friends, but they’re the ones my partner has the most in common with in terms of interests.
TL;DR
Partner and I have been doing a zoom call with another couple weekly for the past 2 years and I feel uncomfortable calling it off after not feeling engaged or trusting of my friend in the calls. My partner loves the zoom calls and is close friends with their partner.
How do I stop this cycle of feeling inadequate and stop the zoom calls?