Establishing discipline later in life?

14 comments

1. [deleted]

2. I was in Italy in January where trains were the way to move about and I kept almost missing them. I had to adjust myself from being on-time to being earlier than time. The trains lie a little, they left a minute early sometimes and sometimes late. Could not risk it.

   So, I stressed out big time but this is what happened. The night before I ask what time I need to wake up to be there 10 or 15 mins earlier. I tried … first it was 5 minutes earlier and then so on it got better. Tired, groggy, sleepy af, so I packed everything the night before. Did not sleep well the night before? Bad sleep, etc. I can’t miss the train no matter what.

   Then I found out that it could be ADHD when others keep pointing this out with time management. I’ve managed all these while because I overcompensate somewhere else. People think I’m smart but not motivated. Now it is showing as I’m getting older, lack of sleep looking like a zombie. I’ve been wanting to wake up early for years. Not saying this is you but my new job has shown that it is what it is.

3. I’ve now accepted that this (i.e. quite similar to you) is how I am. Self-motivation is hard, and I’m not a natural at it. But I am a man of my word, so I get things done by being accountable to someone else. If I make an appointment, I won’t miss it. If I promise someone else that I’ll do something, then I’ll do it. Very specific promises work best for me.

4. Actually you and I are quite similar from what you say, up to being the same age, and don’t ask me to workout at 5 AM.

   As far as self-motivation is concerned, the only activity I ever managed to keep up with, now for 10 years, is running. But then again, pretty much never early in the morning, but more often after work, or even as late as 10 PM. I found out I’m much more motivated to wake up at 6 to start working at 6:30 AM (flexible schedule, remote work, yay!); that, in turn, gives me more time to workout later in the day.

   And also, as a complement, I just got back into sports with drop-in group training, that’s much better for my single parent random schedule. And since I have to book it about a week in advance, it helps me in getting organized.

   Another thought on all that is that now I’m free to do what I want, whereas until a few months ago I was choking into a marriage that left me with little motivation to work on myself. You’re not mentioning any relationship; but sometimes that can play a part too (even if not as bad as what I was into).

   So yeah, to summarize, I guess at some point you’ve just got to do what works for you and you personality.

5. Preface: I’ve been working out early af over the last 6 years.

   10 years ago, I was overweight and can’t do much of anything before experiencing shortness of breath. Everything from then up until now had been a LOT of minor adjustments. I didn’t immediately dive balls deep to workout early. It was only 2-3x a week at most and I had no structure; this is called fuckarounditis where you just did whatever the hell you felt like at the gym. This literally went on for 4 years but my consistency at the gym never stopped. However, I was going right after work so from 6-8pm.

   This was fine until my work started wanting me to stay back later and my commute home was well over an hour. I also had a newborn at home so staying back at work would mean I have to go straight home to spend time with my family. The only options I have were to either stop working out or suck it up and go early in the morning.

   Ultimately, it’s all a matter of discipline but that shit takes a long time to build. My road had been hobby > habit > lifestyle.

6. A few thoughts.

   One, there’s a hilarious ted talk about this. Procrastination monkey https://youtu.be/arj7oStGLkU

   Two: You are not your own tyrant. The you that says get up at 5, and the you that sleeps in are both you. Try to appease both by setting a schedule that rewards you. I’ll get up at 5 to workout, but I schedule 30 minutes to just veg out with no guilt later in the day to reward myself.

   Three: I recommend reading the miracle morning if you haven’t yet. There’s a great section in there about how to get up. “I’m tired, I don’t want to work out. “” sure! Just go ahead and get up and pee and brush your teeth. Decide after that. You can go back to bed if you want to. “.

   After teeth “well, I’m up but still not feeling it. “ “ no big deal, go ahead and get dressed and do some easy stuff…. A nice walk while listening to your music”

   You may not get to your full workout, but you will get further than sleeping in bed!

7. **The night before:**

   1. Lay out your work clothes in a bag
   2. Lay out your gym clothes
   3. Have a light, no-cooking necessary breakfast waiting for you in the refrigerator.
   4. Go to bed earlier. Got to bed at this time every night.
   5. Put your alarm somewhere you have to get on your feet to turn it off.

   **In the morning:**

   1. Once you turn your alarm off and are on your feet, march straight into your bathroom and do everything you will need to do.
   2. Have your breakfast or pack it away to take with you to work
   3. Do not check your phone, computer, television or the newspaper.
   4. Once all bathroom activities are done pull on your gym clothes and get OUT of your home straight away.

8. > Instead I hit snooze until 7:30

   First thing, **destroy snooze.** (Not Snoos, though!). The science of snoozing says it’s the worst thing you can do for your energy levels. Think about it: if you snooze for an hour, you’re taking the last hour of your sleep and chopping it up into 9-minute fragments, not enough to get your brain into deeper sleep stages. It’s garbage sleep and you’re *guaranteeing it*, every day. Even if it’s “only” 30 minutes, it’s taking about 7% of your night and flushing the restorative effects down the Snooze Toilet. Snooze is like something awful jailers rwould do to prisoners to break their spirits. This is not something you want in your life.

   Instead, set your alarm clock up across the room.

   Also, you’ll simply *have* to go to bed 7-9 hrs (or whatever your body needs) before your scheduled wake-up time. There’s no cheating this.

   > I do great work when I’ve got a major deadline or crisis/problem to solve. I’ll roll right out bed when I’m signed up for something or accountable to someone else. That’s always how I was growing up: finishing homework in class and doing just enough to get 89.5s that rounded up to straight As.

   Then yes, use self binding and [commitment devices](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commitment_device). There was a guy on r/productivity a while back who had a $20 bill inserted into a shredder in his office, set on a timer such that if he wasn’t at his office at 8:00:00 AM, the timer would turn the shredder on and shred his $20 bill. He always got to the office at 8am sharp!

9. It might sound silly but at this stage, you’re setting the bar too high for yourself. I know because I do the same thing. You don’t trust yourself right now and that’s destroying your confidence. It may sound easy to hop out of bed at 5am but its really not. “Oh all I have to do is not hit the snooze button! Easy!” Well no, because you’ve been in rut for a while, you don’t actually trust yourself to not the snooze button. You know damn well the night before you aren’t going to get up when you want to so in effect you’ve already given up before you’ve gone to bed.

   You need to rebuild trust with yourself. Start out smaller. Much smaller. Doesn’t even have to be getting up earlier but it could be getting up just 5 minutes earlier. Or hitting snooze just one less time. It could be something even more minor; you just have to find some small change you think you’re capable of actually doing and doing it long enough to start actually trusting yourself again. Eventually you’ll be like “Hey I’ve actually done this thing X times in a row now. That wasn’t so bad. Maybe I’m ready to try this other thing.” The thing doesn’t matter. What matters is you doing it enough times to actually believe yourself capable of change. Not even big change, just small consistent change.

   Right now you have this idea of yourself in your own mind as someone incapable self discipline. You need to chip away at that image. It has a lot do with respecting yourself too. Why do you think you roll right out of bed when you’re doing something for someone else? You don’t want to let them down because you care about them and respect them. Right now, you don’t show yourself the same level of respect and care. That’s why nothing sticks.

10. They’re ated talk about this. Can’t think of the name.

    When you get an idea in your head to take action, you have 5 seconds to do it, otherwise you won’t do it.

    When your alarm goes off, get up. START moving. Then the decision is made and you’ll commit. Otherwise, nope.

    If it feels like too much. One thing at a time. Take your time as you move. But move.

11. It’s great that you want change in your life

    However even with your current lifestyle you do everything, but if you want change go for it set up an alarm go to sleep earlier the previous day

    Start new hobbies etc

    Also if home work outs don’t work out try out a gym near by and find a friend who will join you this way they will motivate you to go to the gym often

    Hope this helps

12. Dude, you just do it. And then repeat. It’s tough and it sucks, but you just do it until it becomes second nature. You have to have a pretty explicit why if you want to do it.

13. It’s because your biology is working against you. One of the best things I did was find out what my chronotype was and then build my schedule around that. I am wolf or a moderate night owl, so I’m never going to be an early bird, I literally get sick to my stomach if I have to exercise in the early morning. So I workout and do my creative activities at my peak circadian hours. If you’re like me don’t fight it, work with it.

14. It’s never too late! Build routines and make commitments with people while you have motivation. You got this!